


Sacrifice

by Miss_Lv



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Addiction, Adopted babies, Adoption, Alpha Sam, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, BAMF Dean, Barren Dean, Bottom Dean, Dean is Omega and Tiny, Dean is Perfect in Sam's Mind, Dean-Centric, Demon Blood Addiction, Domestic, Emotional Manipulation, Fixation, Fluffy, Gaslighting, Heat Sex, Homemaker Dean, Kidnapped Dean, Knotting, M/M, Manipulation, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Anna Milton/Dean Winchester, Minor Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, Obsessive Behavior, Omega Dean, Protective Sam Winchester, Sam Obsessed With Dean, Sammy Blames Himself For Everything Ever, Sammy Needs a Hug, Sammy has issues, Sibling Incest, Sterilization, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Top Sam, Withdrawal, poor sammy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 03:32:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8430193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Lv/pseuds/Miss_Lv
Summary: Sam was just a little kid the day Dean disappeared. It's been decades since and now he's a grown man and seasoned hunter. But he feels like that little kid all over again when a young teenaged Dean suddenly appears.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It got so long. So very long.

Sam woke to a strange sound, halfway between a dream and the real world. He blinked sleepily and only got up all the way because Dean was awake and alert. His big brother was sitting up in the bed, staring out the motel window intently with a frown. Sam rubbed his cheek on his pillow tiredly and reached out to pull at Dean's sleeve until he looked down at him. 

"What is it?" Sam yawned and Dean shook off his seriousness to smile down at him. 

"It's nothing important, come on go back to sleep," he pulled the blankets up around Sam better and the boy snuggled back into them. Hotel blankets were never comfy but Dean had found an old quilt in a secondhand store years ago. With his own birthday money he bought it for them. Dad had said it was a silly thing to buy but decided Dean's omega nature couldn't help it. Wherever they went the blanket came and it was the most comfortable, warmest, best blanket Sam had ever used. 

"Rub my back?" Sam requested because Dean usually would if he really wanted Sam to go to bed. His big brother didn't even protest, he just started rubbing Sam's back in slow circles as the boy went boneless and felt his eyelids go heavy. 

Dean was looking out the window again but Sam was too tired to be curious. 

 

He woke up a bit as the motel door creaked, Dean pulling it open a crack and slipping out. He looked at Sam as he closed the door, his gaze locking with Sam's tired one. 

"It's ok, I'll be right back Sammy," Dean assured him and Sam dozed back off as the door clicked shut. 

It could have been minutes or hours, Sam had never been able to really know. The quiet of the motel was broken by a cracking sound, loud and sharp it made Sam jerk up in the bed. Tears started building when he found himself alone in the motel, the bathroom light still on as a nightlight.

"Dean?" Sam hiccupped and when his brother didn't answer Sam began to cry in earnest. The tiny bag his dad had left on the table had fallen; the little pouch of dirt was torn and leaking on the floor. Sam crawled from the bed to inspect it, clutching their blanket. 

"Dean!" 

The bag poured more dirt as Sam picked it up. He knew it was important; their dad always left it when he went alone. It always sat by the window or door. Sam placed it back on the table, right under the window. Later he would learn it had been a protection charm, broken by a monster. But right then he was a child who knew no better. 

Placing it down he saw Dean standing outside, facing a stranger. 

"Dean!" Sam called him, hurrying from the window to yank open the door, wanting his big brother with him. 

As he pulled the door open though a light poured in. Brighter then the sunniest of days he had ever seen, it blinded him and he hid his face as it flashed and faded. 

When Sam looked again, Dean and the stranger were gone. 

"Dean?" 

No one answered and Sam stepped out, looking around for his brother. His tears began again as he walked down to were the pop machine was in case Dean was there. When he wasn't Sam cried harder and walked back to the motel room. Leaving the door open in case Dean came back, he sat on the bed and cried. 

 

The sun was rising by the time Sam wore himself out enough to doze off, curled under their blanket in the middle of the bed. 

"Hey kid," a stranger whispered and Sam jerked awake, scrambling away from the man who was in the room with him. 

"Whoa, easy kid." The man held his hands up and backed away but Sam stared at him with wide eyes, tears threatening to fall all over again. 

"Where's Dean?" 

"I don't know who that is kid. I run this place, this motel, and you’re alone in here with the door open. I came to check and see if you’re ok," the man explained and Sam shook his head, his chin trembling. 

"Dean's gone." 

"Who's Dean then, your brother? That older boy?" 

Sam nodded his head and the man ran a hand through his hair. 

"A man took him," Sam added and the stranger swore under his breath. 

"Listen, where are your mom and dad?  Do you know their phone number?" He didn't know it then but the motel manager was trying to avoid the bad reputation his business would take if it hit the news that a kid had been abducted. But in that moment Sam didn't know that, all he knew was that the man was helping. Sam didn't know any numbers, not like Dean did. But Dean was smart so Sam crawled from the bed and took the piece of paper from under the phone. 

It was the emergency number, uncle Bobby. 

The man called it and spoke lowly into the phone. Sam jerked when he heard uncle Bobby swearing and then took the phone when the man offered it. Sam watched the stranger leave the room, closing the door behind him as he walked quickly to the main desk. 

"Sammy?" 

At the sound of uncle Bobby's worried voice Sam let out a little sob. 

"Uncle Bobby, Someone- someone came and took Dean. A s-stranger, last night." 

"Shh, I'm gonna be right there Sammy, your daddy too. I think even pastor Jim will hurry on down and we'll find Dean in no time. Alright kid?" 

Sam nodded his head relieved and then remembered uncle Bobby couldn't see him. "Yes sir."

"You just sit tight. It's gonna be ok." 

Sam curled their blanket around his shoulders and nodded his head, certain that his uncle, dad, and pastor Jim could set things right. 

Dean would be back in no time. 

 

Dean never came back.   

 

Sam tossed his bag onto the bed and stretched his shoulders until they cracked and the ache in them let up. Dropping the keys on the worn table he contemplated a hot shower and then something to eat or something to eat and then a hot shower. Idly circling the room he checked each ward and seal carefully. Everything remained untouched.   

Pausing by the bed Sam frowned at the floor before giving in to reality and digging through his bag to pull out a bottle of whisky. Sam wasn't one to indulge normally, his dad had lived and died by the bottle and Sam was in no hurry to follow him down that road. But it was a special night, an anniversary. 

Twenty years even now. 

Sam hadn't even celebrated his thirtieth birthday, to caught up in a hunt to remember it. But without fail he had always managed to find himself time alone on this day. 

The day Dean disappeared. 

Sam sat back in the motel chair and took a hit from the bottle. Every other day he was on point, focused on the hunt and moving forward. But this was the one day he left himself think about it, let himself really remember. 

Dean peering through the door at him, the seal breaking, the bright light. Sam tipped his head back and closed his eyes. He had dedicated years to remembering it, meditation and focus spells to clarify the memory. Long after his dad had given up Sam had looked for his lost brother. Once a year he would still pull out books and pour over theories of what it had been.

John had ultimately decided that it was the Fae. They took first-born sons, lore spoke of light surrounding them. There had been no other clues, no trace of anything in that motel. Uncle Bobby had brought a witch to look, John had brought someone named Missouri too, but both of them had no answers. The only thing that could cover its tracks so thoroughly had to have been the Fae.   

So John went on with life, certain Dean was off in some other land, living eternally. Or maybe he thought they slow roast Dean alive and feasted on his flesh gleefully. 

Sam didn't know.

All he knew was his dad decided that was what happened and he stopped looking. At fourteen Sam left his father's side and spent three years with his uncle Bobby researching Fae and everything that could have taken his brother. Uncle Bobby tolerated it more than John, never snapped or yelled at Sam. But when Sam turned seventeen his uncle asked him to focus more on school, to help research other hunts, to very slowly consider that Dean was gone now. 

Almost seven years after he had been taken, Sam stopped searching everyday. He slowly cut back to a few days, to once a week, to once a few weeks. When he turned twenty and was in school he managed a few times a year. After he was pulled back into hunting, his dad winding up dead by some ghost of all things, Sam searched around some more but he didn't let it consume him again. 

Now he had it fine-tuned. Once a year he'd think about it, look over everything he knew and poke around his brain for new theories. He didn't go researching or asking questions anymore. It was just him and a bottle of booze for the night. Sam was essentially like every other hunter he knew; alone in the world with fond memory of a loved one some monster had taken. 

Huffing out a dry chuckle, Sam took another long drag of the whiskey. 

 

He abruptly spat it up and nearly choked as every seal went off in the room. It was like a bizarre Christmas light spectacle as various runes light up brightly, humming with power. The seals on the floor twisted in the wood and Sam dove for his gun as every seal, spell, and charm gave way at once.

A light flashed outside the room, bright and blinding. 

Sam felt like a child again, clutching a blanket as the light blinded him the exact same way. 

But Sam wasn't a child anymore. He rushed the door, kicked the dame thing out and open, gun raised and ready. 

Dean blinked back at him, flinching at the gun pointed at him. Sam dropped it and then nearly lifted it again. 

It couldn't be.

"...Dean?" 

The boy blinked back at him, he was tiny and wide-eyed. Sam remembered his big brother, tall and confident. The boy in front of him was so small and he looked about ready to cry. 

"Where the hell is Sammy?"  

"What?" Sam croaked stupidly.  

"Where's my brother," Dean snap backed, looking like an angry puffed up cat. Sam could recall his brother vividly; a strong presence that he could always count on, Dean had been Sam's hero. It felt surreal to stand there and see a whole new version of Dean but at the same time know deep inside, that it was the exact same person.

God help him, Dean was tiny.

He was a thin little waif of a boy with a fierce glare. But Sam could see the nervousness too, he could see the way Dean's shoulders would shiver, a tiny little tremble that broke Sam's heart. Dean had always been the strong one of them, stood up to everyone who would dare face them. Sam was suddenly aware of how utterly unfair that was. 

"Listen, I need to use your phone," Dean growled and Sam nodded his head, stepping back and watching Dean edge around him suspiciously before bolting in the room to grab the phone by the bed. Sam hesitated at the motel doorway, reading the tension coming off Dean loud and clear. He'd never admit it out loud Sam imagined, but it was clear that Dean was afraid. He kept his eyes on Sam while he dialed the phone and they both waited. Sam realized a second too late, just as his own cell went off on the table. 

Dean was calling their dads number. The one he had kept for years and years. After John passed, Sam took over, it was the number hundreds of people had and plenty of them called it still, asking for help. Clearly though Dean didn't see it that way. He re-dialed the number and when the cell rang again Sam could see him watching Sam more intently. 

"Dean," Sam began but Dean froze and Sam realized the mistake of saying his name when he had no reason to know it. "Just let me explain," Sam offered, setting the gun on the table and knowing even in the shit neighborhood someone was going to notice the missing door. Sam watched Dean eye him for a long moment before giving a slow nod. Relieved Sam turned to grab the door, setting it up against the doorframe for the moment. 

He heard the old motel floor creak and then blacked out in pain. 

The ache woke him, his head pounding as Sam sat up slowly. He could feel a trickle of blood on his neck and the old landline phone sat on the floor beside him, the corner busted in.     

"Fuck," Sam winced, pushing the pain back as he got up. Ignoring the nausea as best as he could he looked around and realized all his stuff was gone. His bag, gun, phone and most importantly, his car keys. 

Stumbling to the parking lot Sam found the impala absent from its spot. 

Looking around he only saw the motel manager and someone talking, the stranger point to Sam and then the busted motel door. Dropping his head Sam quickly walked away, getting on the street and around a corner before sprinting off. Hissing as he pressed a hand to the lump on his head Sam checked his pocket and found his wallet missing too. 

"Great, just great." Too think he had thought Dean some sort of innocent thing when he saw him. 

Dean. 

Dean. 

Sam fought a insane grin and rubbed his face, his brain still whirling with the thought of it. Dean was alive. Sam was certain it had been him. Supernatural beings always stood out to him, since he started using his powers he could tell a monster from a mile away. That had been Dean, a flesh and blood boy. 

Sam needed to find him. 

Pushing off the wall Sam went back into the street. He waked until he found a parking lot and then waited as people came and went. It took four hours but eventually a monster playing at human appeared, walking towards a car. 

Even unarmed, Sam took it down quick and clean. He found a wallet with a bit of cash, some change, and a set of keys. Getting the body into the trunk, Sam got into the car and pulled out of the lot. 

 

There was only one place Dean would go. 

Where they had been trained as children to always go when their father couldn't be reached. 

Bobby's house.  

 

Sam drove all night and when he pulled into Bobby's yard he felt his heart calm down at the sight of the impala parked. Hurrying up the steps, Sam knocked hurriedly and waited for Bobby to answer.

"Got your ass handed to you by a boy huh?" He greeting and Sam pushed passed him, walking in and looking down the hall for Dean. 

"He's here right? Is he ok?"

Bobby fixed him with a single long look before his features went a touch less stern.

"Yeah he's here. Upstairs in the bedroom trying to rest though I doubt it's happening."    

"Is he ok, does he know how he got here?" Sam asked, turning to the stairs and starting up until Bobby grabbed him and yanked him back down none to carefully. 

"He's freaked out is what he is. Asked for time alone so that's what he'll get. Dean was never a dumb boy, he figured out what happened during the drive here. Asked a few people and checked dates on things in every gas station along the way. He knows who you are and he knows his daddy's passed. He said he don't remember anything beyond a light and going to check what it was. But you can bet your ass he's shell shocked and if he wants to sit alone for a bit then we'll damn well let him," Bobby growled and Sam distantly remembered that the old man had always been fiercely protective of Dean. 

Sam nodded his head and with one last glance upstairs he followed Bobby into the kitchen. There was an empty whiskey bottle in the sink. Sam figured he wasn't the only one mourning the anniversary but the cap to the bottle was right there and newly opened. Bobby would be far drunker if he had drunk the whole thing. When Sam raised a brow and motioned to the empty bottle Bobby snorted and sipped his coffee. Sam got himself one as well and waited for the man to explain. 

"Dean saw it. Said he saw booze in your motel too and wanted to know if we were both alcoholics now, if John had ever given up drinking or if he'd let it consume him. We both know it wasn't no ghost that did him in, it was him trying to fight one drunk off his ass. I didn't tell Dean that but I'm sure he picked up on it. I'd forgotten what a spitfire he was. Always dumping my booze down the sink. He used to do it to your dad too, saying it was poison and we didn't need none of it." 

Sam stared at his coffee, slumping into his chair with a hard thud and trying not to grip the scalding cup to tightly. Bobby fixed him a look and Sam blew out a sigh, struggling to calm himself down.  

"Dean's fourteen years old and he was dumping his dad’s alcohol. When he wasn't doing that he was raising his little brother, keeping us fed and going to school. I've never stopped to think about how fucked up that is, how unfair it was for him." 

"Damn right it was. John and me never saw eye to eye on that. Dean will swear up and down it's what he wanted to do but he shouldn't have to. John should have been home more, letting his boys be kids rather then making Dean an adult before fifteen."

"Point of contention for you two?" Sam asked, noting how vehement Bobby's tone had gone.  

"Of course it was. Dean deserved...he deserves far better than your dad gave him and don't you forget that." A stern eye glared at Sam and he sat more upright blinking at Bobby. 

"Me?"

"Dean is sure as hell welcomed to stay here but we both know he'll want to go with his baby brother." 

Sam opened his mouth and then shut it with a click. He hadn't really thought of anything beyond getting to Dean. Bobby was right though. Sam wasn't going to just leave now, he was going to stay with his brother. But that meant hunting would have to stop for a bit. Sam had spent his youth hating hunting constantly and dreaming of something more. Avenging Dean had been more important though but now everything was different. Sam couldn't just pick up where his dad left off, Bobby was right. Sam would need to find them a place to stay, an actual stable home where Dean could go to school properly and have something more then a nomadic life. 

"Dean's always travelled though, always went along with what dad wanted."  

Bobby gave Sam another long heavy look before sighing. "There was no point before but now it's different. You need to know things Sam."

Perking up, Sam focused his full attention on him. 

"Dean ain't ever liked the moving and hunting. He's an omega, he wanted to build a home. Half the time he was here he was fixing the place up. He arranged the bedrooms upstairs and I never changed them, wanted him to have something of his own, even if you lot were seldom here for long. But Dean's world revolved around you. He never argued with John in front of you but that don't mean he never argued with him. Dean wanted what was best for you and your dad. He wanted to help people and hunt things but more than that he wanted you and you dad happy and healthy. Fighting a uphill battle with you dad's sour attitude really."

Sam snorted and agreed, thinking of his father who had always managed to piss Sam off like no other. 

"But the thing is... Dean had chances." Bobby huffed out, looking uncharacteristically hesitant. "There was a boys home he ended up in and a school took him into foster care one time. He was a young omega with no guardian, sitting in shady motels and crap rentals. People would call the cops every now and then." 

"Why didn't he go?" 

Bobby took a long drink of his coffee and Sam figured it out. 

"Me. He stayed because of me," he muttered, feeling old and tired now as he pictured Dean giving up chances at a better life for him, to look after his little brother. 

"Dean deserves more Sam, more then what your dad ever gave him. I know hunting is what you know after all these years but if you have a lick of sense in ya you'll see what needs to be done." 

"I do," Sam agreed distantly his mind still caught on everything Dean had sacrificed for him. "We'll stay here for a bit if that’s ok. I need to sort things out, call contacts and let them no I'm pulling out of hunting for a bit." 

Bobby gave him a look like he was stupid and scoffed. "Of course you can stay here you idiot."

 

In the wee hours of the morning Bobby finally went to bed and Sam managed maybe a minute before he was creeping from the couch up to Dean's room. The door creaked softly as Sam winced and led himself in, peering at the bed with a mix of curious fascination. Dean was curled up on top of the blankets, sleeping softly. Sam felt something in his heart twist painful at the sight of him. 

Dean had been his rock as a child and Sam didn't know what to think as he watched him, saw him for what he was rather then some great powerful force that would protect Sam.

Creeping back out Sam went rooting in the attic and found his prize.

He draped the old blanket over Dean's body and resisted the urge to touch him and make sure he was real. Dean curled into the blanket, rubbing his face and snuggling down. Sam manfully resisted for a split second before slipping his phone out and snapping a photo of the adorable sight. 

Walking out on the porch Sam let the bite of the cold air sink in as he listened to his phone ring. 

"Sam?" Ruby's voice was sleep hazed and Sam spared a moment of regret for the late time. The sun was just beginning to rise. 

"Hey. I've had something come up, something big and I won't be able to help for awhile." 

"What's going on?" Ruby knew everything about Sam, his deepest darkest secrets where all hers. But this was different. 

"Bobby needs some help, found someone who needs to figure themselves out and get settled. I promised I'd help them. I'll be here for a few weeks at least, longer probably."

"What about helping people?" The tone was sharp and accusing. 

"I'm not gonna suddenly stop hunting or anything. It won't be that long, I promise." 

"Will you be ok? A month is a long time to go without Sam." 

"I know. If I need...it I'll call you, we can arrange to meet somewhere around here and I'll get my fix," Sam teased and he could almost hear Ruby's smile. 

"All right, good luck at being bored out of your mind for a month."

"See you," Sam returned and hung up. Leaning against the porch rail he hoped he would be good without any demon blood. It was a fine line to walk, to stay above getting addicted but Sam had managed for years now. 

Turning to go back in Sam froze dead in his tracks when he saw Dean. The blanket was wrapped around his shoulders, blocking out the morning chill and Dean looked mad. Seething mad as he glared at Sam full on. 

"Alcohol not your only vice Sammy?" 

"What? No. That wasn't I was-"

"Whatever," his brother cut him off fixing him with another pissed look. "I don't wanna hear your excuses or lies. I always thought...I expected more from you," Dean sighed, his shoulder slumping as he turned away. 

"No, you don't understand. It was joke Dean. It's not...I’m not on drugs or anything!" 

Sam hurried after him and Dean paused, turning to stare him down again. Sam stopped short in front of him, peering down at his brother with wide earnest eyes. Dean sighed again and this time he looked thoroughly disappointed. 

"I could always tell when you were lying. You turned out just like dad in the end huh?" Dean walked away, going back upstairs while Sam stood there stunned with his heart in his stomach. 

Sam spent the morning sullenly justifying to himself all the reasons why he was nothing like his father.

But at the end of every well thought out argument he was left with Dean standing in the hall looking so disappointed with him. It made him hunch his shoulders and start the arguments all over.

In the end though he knew he had tried to lie to Dean. He had been given an amazing gift, his brother returned to him and the first thing he’d done was lie to his face.

It wasn't the normal sort of drugs but Demon's blood was a drug, something that made him powers stronger and something he craved at times. Sam was using drugs and instead of assuring Dean he had it under control he tried to sweep it all under the rug only to have Dean see through the damn rug.

Sam dropped his head in his hands. Dean was back, they had no idea why or how but he was back. So far he knew that Sam drank, that he used drugs, and that he was willing to lie to Dean's face. 

Dean had every right to be disappointed. 

 

"You gonna come in and eat?" Dean called and Sam looked up to see him in the doorway, hand on a hip and looking out the window. Sam wasn’t permitted eye contact so Dean was still pissed. Sam could smell pancakes and he nodded his head, following Dean like a scolded puppy. 

"It's to help me hunt, what I do... it helps me hunt Dean, I need it to hunt." Sam admitted in a low voice, trying to set things right. His brother stopped in the hallway for a second and then his shoulders slumped. Dean turned and offered Sam a bitter smirk. 

"Dad used to say the exact same thing about drinking." 

Dean walked off without another word, leaving Sam feeling like he'd been flayed once more. Bobby raised a brow at them both when them came into the kitchen with a heavy air but he didn't say a thing between pancakes, sausage, eggs, and hash browns.

"I didn't know you had this kinda food," Sam teased Bobby weakly and he frowned down at his plate as if he just realized the same thing. 

"I used your credit card to go pick some groceries up this morning," Dean explained to Sam as he flipped the last pancakes onto a plate. Sam’s wallet was sitting on the counter, the impala keys beside it. 

"You shouldn't go out on your own," Sam said before thinking and Dean paused to turn and fix him with a long hard look. 

"If you think," he began, tone low and menacing. "That I'm some weak and frail little thing because I'm an omega-"   

"No!" Sam cut in hurriedly, shifting on the chair while Bobby tucked into his food, silently laughing at Sam. "I'm just worried...that you'll disappear…again." 

Dean eyed him for a moment before finally huffing and turning back to the stove.   

"We don't know what took you or why, if it'll be back. I just think you should be careful about that. I'm not like that you know, I don't think omega's belong in the kitchen or anything," Sam felt like an awkward teenager, struggling to explain to Dean's turned back. His bother made a little hum but didn't respond otherwise.

Still angry at Sam.

"Anyway, I was thinking we should stay here for awhile. We can research what happened to you and figure out the next step. I'll try to find a place we can rent or something for next month and get you registered in classes," Sam rambled and watched Dean frown as he walked over, putting a plate of pancakes down before sitting on the last chair and making himself a plate. His brother seemed to be thinking something over before he finally glanced at Sam. 

"I'll stay here."

Bobby paused with his fork in midair and Sam tried not to droop into the chair. 

"If that's ok?" Dean directed at Bobby and the man gave a gruff nod, frowning full force at Sam.  

"You need to hunt you said," Dean explained with a shrug, glancing at Sam. The weight behind the words made Sam struggle not to react. Dean didn't want to go with him because he thought Sam was drug addict. Dropping his fork Sam sat back and watched Dean, who gave his food his full attention. 

"If you'd just listen, let me explain it to you, you'd understand," frustration colored his voice and Sam didn't miss the way Bobby sat up glaring at him head on. Sam struggled to calm his tone down. 

"I don't need to listen. I've heard it. A hundred different ways and a hundred different times. Dad was an expert at it. Look where that got him," Dean's voice went weak at the end and Sam could see him visibly struggle to stop from tearing up. It was a sudden reminder to Sam that Dean had just learned their dad was dead. 

"It's different Dean."

"It's not. It's just worse. Dad drank himself to death and you'll end up overdosing. Then I'll be the last member of our family left." 

"Overdosing," Bobby snarled, his voice incredulous as he stood up from his chair and fixed Sam with a hard look. "Boy, are you doing drugs?" 

Dean sat back and watched Sam finally, waiting for him to confirm or deny it. Sam wanted to walk out, to get up and leave before he said something dumb but he knew it would only push Dean further away from him. 

"Something like that," he finally grumbled into his plate and spend the next two hours getting a lecture from Bobby. 

Dean got up and cleaned the table off before doing the dishes up. He never said a word but he never left either, silently waiting to hear what Sam would say when Bobby let him talk or demanded an answer. 

"You ain't taking that boy anywhere until you're clean," Bobby decreed and Dean didn't protest. He fixed Sam with a curious look, something hopeful but reserved, as if he wasn't sure Sam would even want to try simply to be able to have Dean with him.

It was that look that made Sam agree. 

Anger was Sam's strength. Anger made him push through when he was ready to fail. It fuelled him. Anger for Dean being taken from him, anger for his father's parenting choices, anger for the innocent people monsters had killed, for the lives ruined.

Anger was the safe reaction. 

But the way Dean looked at him blew all the wind from Sam's sails.

Watching Dean bustle around the house, cleaning and organizing, bossing and commanding with a mature air just felt like a punch to Sam. 

Dean was fourteen.

He was supposed to be an immature punk, not a homemaker. Bobby didn't know what to do with him either and Sam could see Dean taking full advantage of that. He hustled the man into agreeing the house was a mess and then rolled him into cleaning it.

If they weren't researching on what had happened to Dean they were going through boxes of junk and figuring out what went where. Despite getting nowhere on the research they had managed to clean the house up decently.

In the evening while Sam and Bobby looked over lore books, Dean would settle in with Sam's Ipad. After a day of careful fumbling, he had gotten the hang of it and now was cruising the internet smoothly. Mostly he read about recent history, big changes in the world, and the latest western movies that had come out.

Neither Bobby or Sam gave him trouble for not researching. Because Dean was snarky and bossy in the house, owning the place he'd grew up in and Sam doubted had changed since then, but when they left the house everything changed. 

Dean was withdrawn and self-conscious of himself. Twenty years was a long time to miss, to blink from the 1990s into 2010. Sam couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of it, something like culture shock he imagined. They bought Dean new clothing and got him a modern haircut but it was clear Dean felt odd in them.

So they left Dean to his browsing, letting him learn about the new world he'd been dropped into.   

So it came as a surprise when Dean got a book on time travel lore in the mail. 

"Where in the hell did you find this?" Bobby exclaimed, peering at the old book and flipping through the pages. With all the books he had Sam had always thought secretly that Bobby had a thing for books. Seeing him look over a new one with a rare sort of unrestrained interest proved it. 

"Ash sent it to me. He's from the Roadhouse. It's a bar for hunters." 

"What?" Sam was the one intrigued now, coming over to Dean as he picked up the ipad and brought up an e-mail account and then found a link to an online forum for the supernatural. 

"It seems pretty silly at first but if you dig around there are certain users that provide real hunting information," Dean explained and Sam went through the site, finding exactly what Dean had said. 

"I met Ash on there and we've been talking back and forth. He works out of the Roadhouse in Nebraska." 

"I've heard of it. Kept clear of it since John had bad blood there," Bobby grumbled and Sam grimaced but didn't argue, John had never worked well with others. 

"Well their nice enough to me, Ash sent this book to help," Dean explained with a shrug. 

The book had a few new starts, certain demons could time travel apparently and there were two other monsters that could as well. Sam hadn’t heard of any of it before but Bobby was taking it as a legitimate source, making Sam wonder how obscure the book was.  

 

Dean took over all the cooking, he made breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Bobby supplied him with money, Sam's fake credit cards were only good if they’re on the run after all. Sam tried his best not to feel jealous and envious of the fact that Bobby’s the one paying. It didn’t help that in the eyes of the world, Bobby was the one related to Dean. Sam was a wanted criminal, years of hunting and fleeing the scene had done that. Linking Dean’s name to him would only made the system come looking for Dean, an underage kid with a wanted brother. So Bobby legally became Dean’s uncle and guardian. It was just in paper mostly and it was dumb to fixate on it but it picked at Sam.

Another thing he was lacking.

Sam wanted so badly to be there for Dean, to give back everything his big brother gave to him. He ruthlessly squashed the feeling and focused on researching, but if on occasion he took a look at the local job ads it was no one's business but his.

Dean cooking isn’t some omega thing either; it’s not that anyone expects him too.

The truth of the matter is that Dean cooks good.

Like, Sam thinks he should go to school for it, good.

He used Sam's ipad to find recipes that grow increasingly more difficult. There were various cooking tools packed away that they had unearthed during the cleaning storm. Bobby had stared at them a moment too long before telling them to throw them out. Sam had been inclined to respect his wishes but Dean had put them all in the kitchen and was constantly using them now. Bobby never said a word about it but Sam had caught him once, watching Dean bustle around the kitchen with a tiny little smile that was worth chancing his scorn. Dean always did know people best.

When the calls for hunts started coming in Sam rerouted them to the few hunters he knew. His dad had never been willing to work with others often but Sam saw the use of it. Bobby had a lengthy network as well so they managed to find people to look into cases. Dean always went a touch weary when Sam's phone rang, eyeing it like it would bite him if given the chance. In response Sam answered with Dean in the room, talking to hunters, giving information and offering other contacts. 

Dean wouldn’t watch outright but Sam could tell he was listening. After a week Sam could feel the growing need for a fix in his veins and it surprised him how insistent it was. He had always thought he had control over it but sitting out on the porch and watching his hand shake, Sam began to question that control.   

Almost as if she could sense it, Ruby called him. She was passing through on another lead and wanted to meet up with Sam. He knew that meant sex and a fix. It was temping to agree, to slip off and come back in the night when Dean saw sleeping. He'd never have to know. 

Until he asked Sam and saw through any lie he made up. 

"I don't know, I'm trying to cut back for a bit," he admitted and listened to Ruby's silence. 

"Are you giving up?" She finally asked and Sam wanted to bit out a no but the word was stuck in his throat. 

"Sam?"

"Things have changed. It's all different now. I've hunted most of my life and I'll always help others but I think I need to step back. I've gotta take care of someone now and that needs to be my main focus."

 "What about everyone who'll die because you decided to 'step back' Sam?"

"We took down Azazael, my mom's death was avenged and there are others who helped him but I could hunt them my entire life and never find them all. I'm needed here right now. Not for hunting or for my powers but just for...me."

"You don't think I need you?" 

"I'm sorry Ruby, it's just for a bit. Let me get myself sorted out. Even without all that, I'd still want you around. You have to know that." Sam tried, feeling like shit for what he was doing. But if Ruby was around, offering Sam, he knew he'd take it. He wasn't going to stop completely; he just needed a few months clean to prove to himself and Dean he was in control. 

"...Call me when you get your mind back," she spat and hung the phone up. 

Sam sighed at his cell and ended the call, sitting back to look out over the yard. The door creaked as someone stepped out and Sam blinked because he hadn't heard anyone walking down the hall. 

Dean walked up to him slowly, trying to find something in Sam's face. Clearly, he had overheard the conversation.

"I'm not addicted," Sam told him carefully, peering at Dean and willing him to see that. Dean just sighed and knelt beside him, reaching out to give Sam a loose hug. Before Dean could pull back, Sam was scooping him up and clutching at him.

Everything still felt surreal, like Sam would wake up and find out it was some monsters sick joke on him. But Dean felt real and solid in his arms. Too light though, Sam resolved to get Dean eating more.

"This was easier when you were a kid," Dean huffed but reached up and combed Sam's hair with his fingers and then rubbing his neck and back. Sam slumped over with a happy sigh, Dean had him conditioned when they were kids and even as a grown man Sam loved a back rub. He flopped over with Dean still in his arms and his brother squirmed like a pissy cat, hitting Sam but ultimately unable to move his weight. Sam laughed as Dean growled and eventually tickled him, making Sam jerk away with a yelp. 

"That's right pal, I know your weaknesses," Dean threatened. 

 

Sam dreamt of a man that night. He looked like an everyday guy with a worn suit and trench coat over it. His face was impassive though, something about it blank in a way that screamed inhuman. They stood out on a dock with Dean down the beach, combing through the sand for shells. He looked happy as he dug his toes into the sun warmed sand and it made Sam smile. 

"It will be worth it if you can be strong enough," the man told him and when Sam glanced at him he started to find him gone. Sam looked around the dock but he was alone. 

"Sammy!" Dean called with a laugh and Sam turned to find his brother waving at him. He was grinning brightly and looking at Sam like he had when they were kids, like Sam was something precious. 

He didn’t remember the dream when he woke.

 

Sam threw up the next morning, his stomach rebelling angrily. 

He crawled back into bed and Dean appeared with a cool cloth and extra blankets. He set everything up and offered to make Sam soup. 

"I doubt I could stomach it," Sam admitted, feeling light headed. Dean made worried sounds and rubbed Sam's back until he fell asleep. When he woke again he felt like he was going to shake himself off the bed. His whole body was trembling furiously. Sitting up he ran his hands threw his hair and found it sweat soaked as well. Swearing, Sam fumbled for his phone to call Ruby. He couldn't function like this. How the hell was he supposed to help Dean if he was little more then a curled up lump. 

"Sammy?" Dean pushed the door open, soup in one hand a glass of water in the other. He stopped short when he saw the phone and then put the soup and water down on the nightstand. He gently tried to take the phone but Sam jerked it away.

"What are you doing Sammy?" Dean asked carefully, betraying that he knew exactly what Sam was doing. 

"I just need to call her. It just this once. I just need to have something to wean myself off of. This hurts too much Dean, it feels like a knife in me,” Sam explained hurriedly. 

"Where?"

"What?" Sam blinked up at Dean who brushed Sam's wet bangs from his forehead. 

"Where's the knife? What part of you hurts?" 

Sam opened his mouth and closed it. He could feel the pain of it, burning through him but it wasn't a specific spot. "All over. I need to get more."

Dean watched him and when he didn't move to stop him Sam let some of the weariness in him unravel, Dean understood. He got Ruby's name up and placed the call. Before he could lift it to his ear Dean snatched the phone in a flashing grab and threw it against the wall with a crack. The phone shattered and went black as it hit the floor. 

"Why did you do that?" Sam hollered, jumping from the bed and charging towards Dean. His little brother turned to face him, head lifted high as Sam snarled at him, got right in his face and yelled angrily. 

"Why the hell would you do that? It's not your phone Dean, you don't get to walk back in my life and dictate me. Dad spent his whole life telling me what a fuck up I was, now I have to get it from you?" 

Dean stared back at Sam without a word and it just made him more frustrated. He stepped closer and backed Dean up until he was against the wall, even crowded and so damn tiny he looked defiant, facing off with Sam unwaveringly. 

"You don't get to come back here and own me. I grew up, I'm not some stupid kid anymore, I don't need you. I never did, I made it fine without you didn't I? Well?" Sam snarled, slamming his hand to the wall beside Dean's head. He felt a twisted satisfaction when Dean finally flinched. Without dropping his head Dean shut his eyes and a fat tear ran down his face without him making a sound. He opened them again and met Sam's glare head on again. 

Before Sam could react to his brother’s refusal to be cowed, Bobby punched Sam in the face.

He hadn't even seen him and wasn't ready for it so he went down hard. Sam hit the floor and nearly puked as everything spun around him. Dean remained exactly where he was, unmoving as Bobby asked him if he was ok. 

Sam rolled onto his stomach and managed to sit up. The words on his tongue died when he saw the hole in the drywall, right beside Dean's head. It went right through and there was dust on Dean's trembling shoulder. 

Sam hadn't meant to hit the wall that hard.

He hadn't meant to scare Dean that badly.

But with a sinking stomach Sam realized he had. He wanted to see Dean flinch, see him duck his head in submission to Sam. 

"I'm going to be sick," he groaned, leaning forward to heave. Bobby didn't move an inch but Dean did, skirting around Sam to get a bucket he must have brought in earlier. He gave it to Sam but stayed out of his reach, avoided touching or look at him. It was that avoidance that made Sam throw up again. He could see Dean's hands shaking terribly, clutching and twitching at nothing even while Dean assured Bobby he was alright. 

"Go downstairs and get me the medical kit alright? I think it was under the kitchen sink but you've rearranged everything so damn much, I don't know for certain," Bobby explained, his voice uncharacteristically soft and Sam wanted to vomit again. Dean gave a quick ok and walked off, the stairs creaking at he went down them. 

"What the fuck is wrong in your head boy?" Bobby growled, grabbing the side of Sam's head by his hair and making him look up at him. "I damn well raised ya but I will throw you out on your ass and into the nearest rehab if I think you’re a danger to that boy."

"I'm sorry," Sam muttered, not able to even look at the wall again. "I didn't mean to do that."

"I don't care what you mean to do, it's what you damn well did. What kind of drugs are you taking?" 

Sam stared into a bucket of his own vomit and didn't reply. 

"Boy I will haul you kicking and screaming if I have to, there's a bloody clinic two towns over." 

Sam shook his head, clutching at the bucket as pain crawled through him again. "It's not normal. Its not drugs," he finally ground out.

Bobby stood in front of him waiting and it was the sound of Dean coming back that made Sam speak. He couldn't stand to let Dean know the truth. 

"Demon blood," he admitted just before Dean returned with a medic box. Bobby looked blown away for a split second and then he turned to face the wall, trying to control his anger while Dean stood in the door way. Sam was slumped in the middle of the room with puke on his chin.

Dean came in and set the box on the bed before fetching the glass of water and a rag he'd used to cool Sam's fever. With shaking hands Sam took them, looking up at Dean who was staring off to the side. The cup was shaking too much in h Sam’s grip and Dean took it back, kneeling to help Sam take a drink. 

"Panic room," Bobby finally said and Dean made a surprised sound. Turning to face them, Bobby looked right at Sam. "You need to be in the panic room." 

Sam went meekly, taking the cold soup with him. Dean went ahead to get the room ready and Sam found him setting up the sheets. The blanket from their childhood was at the foot of the cot and Sam wanted nothing more then to sink into the ground. 

"I'm sorry Dean," he started but his brother shook his head. "It's fine Sammy, your sick, it's not your fault." 

Sam wanted to laugh at such an excuse. He came into the room and set his clothing down on the table, careful not to spill the soup. 

"I'm still sorry, I didn't... I would never hurt you Dean, you gotta believe that." 

"I want to. But you've already proven you can Sammy. You think I care if you hit me?" Dean was hyper focused on the bed, fluffing the pillow while he spoke. "You think dad never got so drunk or desperate he took a swing at me?" 

Sam felt his eyes burn and he stared at Dean, this tiny little spit fire who was making the bed in quick little motions to try and cover his shaking. 

"I don't care it you hit me Sammy. I care that you’re doing this to yourself, that your killing yourself. You say you won't hurt me but how do you think it feels to see you like this? Do you honestly think some black eye would hurt me more then watching you like this?" 

"Dean..."

"If you're really sorry the just get better," Dean decreed and swept from the room and up the stairs in a flash. Bobby came in a moment after, face tense. 

"Stay here, I don't know how bad this is going to get. I'll see if I can find some help but for now I want you to just sit tight."

Sam nodded his head and listened to the heavy door close and lock. 

He staggered over to the cot and curled up, blacking out almost immediately.  

 

Pain wracked Sam's body.

The room was freezing cold and the blankets soaked with sweat. Sam's teeth chattered almost as hard as his hands shook. Lying curled up in the cot he watched people walk past his line of vision, unsure if they were real or not.

John would scorn him for being so weak while Ruby offered soothing assurances of more blood. Jess would lean against the wall, smiling at him even as the fire consumed her. Sam had spent months wishing after his dad pulled him from that room, that he'd stayed right there and burned with her.

Sometimes it was Dean burning, flames eating through his skin as he sat at Sam's bedside and promised it would be ok. Sam could see his tears and watched him flinch in pain even as he reassured Sam. 

When the door of the room creaked and the locks opened Sam waited. Soft footsteps came, Dean carrying a tray of food. Sam waited until he was close enough, putting the tray down on the table, before he stuck. He yanked Dean back and buried the knife in his chest in one smooth motion. Dean didn't even know what happened. 

His eye shocked and wide as he stared at Sam, horrified and betrayed as the life seeped from him.

He was dead when he hit the floor.

Sam woke with a start and rolled off the cot in a heap on the floor, curling up and trying to block everything. 

 

Pain ate at him and hands gripped him, holding him down as he fought. Water that was colder then ice was forced down his throat, more and more until he was certain he would drown in it. A blond woman stood over him, pressing his shoulder's down. 

Sam wondered if it was his mom.

The next time the door opened Sam refused to acknowledge it. Too many times he had heard it and found himself alone or worse, caught in a violent hallucination with Dean as his victim.

Always Dean. 

So when familiar footsteps came towards him, Sam curled into a ball, digging his nails until it hurt, willing his mind to stop. Dean's hand was cool on his shoulder and soothing as it brushed Sam's sweaty and grimy hair from his face. The cloth felt cool but in a refreshing way as Dean wiped his face down gently. 

"Take a sad song and make it better," came the soft whisper, Sam involuntarily relaxing. Only on the worse nights had Dean sang for him, rubbing Sam’s back while he sang the songs their mom had once sung to Dean.

"Remember to let her into you heart," The cloth felt so good on his skin, Sam felt dirty and caked in layers of sweat and grime. His muscles relaxed and when Dean guided him carefully, Sam led himself be pushed onto his back. 

"Then you can start to make it better," Sam’s shirt clung to him and he fumbled to get out of it, lifting it over his head and sighing when Dean obliged and wiped his chest down. If felt so good and Sam melted into the cot as the cloth cooled the ache in him and Dean's soft sang relaxed him.

For the first time Sam’s mind wasn’t twisting in agony, there were no voices echoing, just a soft song that chased away his demons and a wonderful sensation on his skin. 

Dean's hands skimmed along his stomach, teasingly light and Sam whimpered at the ghostly feeling of them, cool to the touch and barely there. Realizing he'd closed his eyes Sam blinked them open and saw Dean straddling his lap, smiling down at him warm and sweet. It only felt right to reach out for him, to hold his hips, so small and snug, against Sam's own. 

Dean just smirked and leaned down, pressing his mouth to Sam’s in an adoring kiss. Sam opened his mouth and Dean obliged, the sweetness fading as hunger replaced it.

Sam woke slowly, his entire body aching and heavy. Sitting up nearly made him vomit and the room spun as he rested his head between his knees. 

 

From outside the room he could hear a soft humming, a familiar voice that comforted Sam but suddenly also put a thrill through him. The second reaction made Sam stop short and feel a wave of shame and humiliation.

He’d had a hallucination with Dean, a sexual one. His own little brother on his lap, riding him lazily.

Sam buried his hands in his hair and struggled to push it away, to cram something so wrong deep down and never let it see the light of day again. He groaned into his hands, horrified with himself. 

"Sammy?" 

"Dean," he replied his voice surprisingly weak. 

Dean appeared at the door window bars, peering in at him.  

"I'll be right back," Dean called and disappeared from sight. Sam could hear him going upstairs and shortly after someone descended. 

Bobby peered into the cell and Sam managed a weak wave at him. The door clanged as the locks opened and Bobby stepped in, followed by a blond woman with a gun. 

"How you feeling boy?" 

"Terrible." 

"I'd imagine so, you've had a hell of a time." 

"Yeah, I'd believe that. How long as it been?" Sam imagined three or for days at the most, but the hallucinations had thrown him off.  

"Two weeks," Bobby replied and Sam blinked, eyes wide as he stared. "It was a mess for awhile, but we got some blessed water into you and it helped speed it along." 

"This is Ellen," he motioned to the woman with the gun who gave Sam a nod. "She runs the Roadhouse, Dean got in contact with her asking for any help and her and her daughter came by. Between the four of us we've managed to keep you alive and sane." 

"Thanks, I think. I feel like I've been run over by a truck," his sighed, his body aching as he tried to sit up. 

"You haven't been eating," Dean explained as he stepped into the room, minding the doorstep up as he carried a tray. It was packed with food and bottles of water. As soon as Sam saw it his body was nauseous with how much he wanted it.

"Try the soup first and then snack on the crackers and cheese, some fruit as well. Try to space everything out or you'll make yourself sick again."

"Everything is hazy, I don't remember what's real and what wasn't. Did I throw up again?" 

Bobby snorted and Ellen wrinkled her nose. Dean just smiled a very fake smile. 

"You were sick a few times. But we helped and cleaned you up when it was needed," Dean explained as he set the food all out on the table by the cot. Bobby raised a brow at Sam to let him know he vomited all over himself, likely multiple times. However Sam was blindsided by the memory of Dean cleaning him up and Sam kissing him. 

"I didn't...did I do anything? Anything bad I mean?" 

"You hollered your lungs out mostly. Begging to be let out and that sort of thing. Tried to punch me once but Ellen here knocked you on your ass. We had to hold you down to get the holy water in you but other then that you were mostly just sick everywhere," Bobby outlined. 

"Thanks, I mean that," Sam nodded to Ellen. "Thank you." 

"Anytime," she shot back with a wry smirk and Sam liked her. Not once had she taken the gun off him but if Sam had been attacking people he was glad for it. 

"We think the worst is over now, you just need to get better," Dean added and tapped Sam on the head lightly. "Eat something and sleep some more. Next time you wake up we'll get you upstairs for a shower."

"Please," Sam croaked with feeling, he felt so disgustingly grimy, and Dean grinned at him. 

"Feel better," he offered in parting as he left, Ellen and then Bobby following him. Sam pulled the table to the cot and slowly started sipping soup.  

 

"You sang to me," Sam said more than asked a few evenings after. Bobby and Ellen were researching something in the study, arguing it essentially while Sam sat at the kitchen table and watched Dean cook. Jo, Ellen's daughter was at the table as well, chopping vegetables.

"You asked me too, said you wanted something to drown out the other sounds," Dean elaborated and Sam nodded his head weakly. He did remember bits of voices echoing through the room. 

"He sang every rock song there is," Jo added lightly and Dean shot her a dirty look.

"What? You did."

"Thanks Dean," Sam offered and his brother gave him a nod. 

"He spent most of time sitting on the stairs fretting about you, slept down there a few times," Jo teased and Dean rolled his eyes while Sam felt something in his stomach drop. Dean had been acting fine though, he wasn't even jumpy around Sam anymore, touching him and meeting his eyes. If Sam had done or said anything to Dean, he felt that Dean would act different. It had to have just been a hallucination then, a fucked up part of his brain taking who he loved the most and twisting it sexual. 

"You seemed calmer when I was around," Dean shrugged, coming to the table to collect Jo's finished vegetables and give her more. He smirks at Sam who nodded his head in return, feeling like a little boy again, in awe of his big brother.

"Either way I appreciate it."

"Dean starts classes soon," Jo said when no one picked up a conversation. "I helped him pick his free courses." 

"That's good, I'm glad you’re going to finish. How did they get your records?" 

"Faked 'em," Dean replied with a shrug. "It was the easiest thing to do and Ash is good at hacking into things." 

"Ash is from the Roadhouse?"

Jo nodded her head, frowning at the potato she was now slicing. "Showed up and we can't get rid of him. But he's useful so mom lets him hang around."

"A whole bar of hunters huh?" It seemed surreal to Sam but Jo was happy to explain the ins and outs of the business. 

 

"I'm glad you and Bobby had help," Sam admitted as Dean helped him settle into the cot. While Ellen and Jo were still there Sam had to stay in the panic room out of sheer space. They kept the door open now though.

"Still, not to be rude, but why are they still here?" 

Dean smirked at that. 

"You haven't noticed?" 

"Noticed what?" 

"Bobby."

"What about him?"

"You seriously haven't noticed him wearing his nicer plaid and keeping his hair combed? Actually picking up after himself without me chasing him to?" 

Sam blinked and laid back on the cot, feeling his world view shift. 

"No way."

Dean chuckled and smiled up at the ceiling where Bobby and Ellen were, still arguing over lore books.

"I hope so, Bobby deserves someone," Dean grinned and Sam felt himself returning it. 

"Yeah, you’re right." 

"So if they stay a little longer we can make due. You can sleep in a cot and I can cook extra." 

 

Jo went back before Ellen a week later.

After a few more days Ellen eventually headed back to her bar with threats if they didn't come visit. Sam waited until the door was closed before he grinned Bobby and wiggled his eyebrows. 

"Not a single damn word." 

Dean laughed but went down the hall to check on dinner. 

"So?" Sam pressed, peering at the old man and Bobby fixed him with a dirty look. 

"Not a word I said boy."

Sam watched him stomp off with a slowly growing grin. 

 

As Dean's classes grew closer Sam went and picked up a new phone, buying another one for his brother. They cost a ton and Sam had to use what cash he had saved up. He didn't want Dean to feel left out from his peers but at the same time it really underlined how limited Sam's funds were without the whole credit card fraud scam. 

He called around the sleepy town, inquiring about job offers and trying to find himself something. Sam had a half finished degree in law and a whole variety of experience in various labor jobs. Which essentially got him nowhere. The only interview he got was for an old antique shop where a little lady explained to him the merits of teacups.

It was all he had so Sam swallowed his pride and took it. He felt like a giant behind the counter and half the people who came in did it just to peer at him the first week. Dean thought it was hilarious and teased him mercilessly, smirking at all the delicate china when he came by to drop off lunch.   

"Mom loved this stuff, you know?" 

Sam blinked mid-bite into a sandwich, looking to Dean who was looking at a display cabinet of porcelain dolls. 

"Really?" 

"Yeah. I think our grandma had a collection and mom got them after she passed away. Mom had them set up in this huge cabinet, dolls and figurines mostly but a teapot that was in the family for like eight generations or something," Dean recounted with a far away look. "I think dad used to tease her about it and she would throw wet dishrags at him."

Sam fought a laugh at the idea of it. His stoic father ducking wet rags while making jokes about dolls. 

"Yeah. I think it's one of my first memories, sitting at the table watching them," Dean grinned and Sam returned it, hoping that wherever they were, his parents were reunited and happy. 

"So classes start tomorrow," Sam mentioned and Dean grimaced but nodded. "Not excited?"

"Never liked school Sammy, I always felt weird wasting time there when the house needed to be looked after or there was some odd job someone would pay me to do. I could read the books in the evening and still learn everything." 

"It's not that bad, you might like it now," Sam offered and Dean snorted. They both watched a group of teenagers walk by, talking loudly, dressed brightly, and clutching their phones.

"I've never fit in with my own age," Dean mused, not regretfully but most wistfully then anything. "I was raising a kid and maintaining a household. Everyone was worried about good grades and the coolest movie out and I was trying to figure out what to make for dinner and where to hide dad's booze."  

"Dean..."

"Oh don't puppy eye me. I've got no regrets. I'd rather our lives then theirs. Blissful ignorance sounds like hell to me Sammy. Dad wasn't perfect but he made a difference, he saved lives everyday. Me having to cook is worth knowing that," Dean scolded. Sam resisted the urge to try and comfort Dean, he always screwed it up.

"Still, I'm not looking forward to school. If it's everything I think it's gonna be I demand homeschooling."

Sam smirked but didn't say a thing on the issue. 

 

Ruby had left a variety of messages for Sam, some asking for help, others offering help, and a few angry rants. Sam had avoided calling her back. He felt terrible for it but if he was going to cut demon blood out of his life then Ruby would have to go as well. But more than that, a tiny deep part of Sam desperately didn't want Dean to meet Ruby, no know Sam had drank her blood as well as had sex with her. 

 

"It's a demon," Dean announced when they were researching for another hunter. Sam was actually a little shocked with how often Bobby was sat down and looking up lore none stop for others. Both he and Dean had started helping him in their free time. It gave Sam something to focus on beyond fine china and he usually had a lore book to read during slow hours. The pay was terrible but it was a pay and Sam liked being able to look after himself and Dean on some level. But Bobby paid for their room and board without a single complaint so the least they could do was help him research. 

"Why you so sure?" Bobby asked and Dean flipped the book before him around. 

"This bad boy has all the symptoms that hunter listed and it's summoned by a sacrifice of three virgins which is what kicked off the whole problem right?" 

Bobby took the book and started reading it for himself while Dean leaned back in his chair satisfied. Sam smirked at him and Dean grinned proudly. For whatever reason Dean thought he was average when it came to books but Sam could see he was actually really good at it. He was trying to slowly build that idea with Dean, careful complimenting him on the sly. Outright praise would just get deflected. 

"A demon huh," Bobby muttered, getting up to go pick up his phone and call the hunter. 

"The worst," Dean muttered, picking books up and starting to put them back in order. 

"Demons?" Sam blinked and Dean nodded. 

"I hate 'em. Some monsters kill to eat and stuff like that. Still monsters but with a reason. Demons just do it for the hell of it, to cause chaos. Demon killed mom, demon tried to kill you?" Dean glanced at Sam who nodded his head. If not for John's quick thinking and help, Sam would have been killed by Azazel, their mother's murder. 

"Your girl too, Jess?" Sam nodded his head again. 

"All they do it take from this family. I've always hated them," Dean finished with a grumble. Walking the books back to the shelf they came from. Sam watched him go and resolved to not let Dean know about Ruby and everything Sam had done over the years. 

 

So of course Ruby showed up. 

Sam jerked when he saw her walk into the shop like she owned it. Looking around the antiques with growing incredulously. 

"This is why you left hunting?" She scoffed and came to stand in front of him across the counter. Sam glanced at the display window wearily but Dean should still be in class for an hour. 

"You can't be here," he hissed and she lifted a brow at him. 

"Don't want to make big brother mad?" 

Sam for all the trust he had in her, felt something inside him go still. 

"Rumor has it some hunter's kid was pulled through time. I snooped around and ended up here. Imagine my surprise to see you trailing after some pip-squeak."

Sam frowned at her, still glancing at the front window. "Who's talking about it?  Why would anyone care?" 

Ruby shrugged, tapping a nail on the glass counter. "All I know is there are some demon's muttering. I'd need help to find out more." 

Before Sam could reply, the door opened and the worse case scenario walked in. 

Dean grinned at Sam and then blinked at Ruby, tilting his head and mouthing 'customer' in question. 

Ruby turned and smiled at Dean, waving at him. "Hi, I'm a friend of Sam’s," she greeted. 

"Hey, was starting to wonder if Sam had any!" Dean teased and came up to them and offered a hand. "I'm Dean."

Before Sam even thought to react, she smiled back. "I'm Rachel." 

When she shook Dean's hand she flinched. Sam blinked at the ring Dean was wearing and before he or Ruby could do anything Dean slammed her head into the glass counter. 

Sam barely blinked and his tiny little brother just grabbed a grown woman's head by the hair and smashed it though the glass. 

"Dean," Sam cursed and tried to grab his brother but god, Dean was fast. 

Sam suddenly felt justified in his childhood awe of his brother.

In a single sweeping motion, Dean buried a silver blade in Ruby's midsection. Sam expected her to laugh it off or complain but she looked stunned, staring at it was wide eyes and then looking at Dean with shock as she slumped down. 

Sam ran around the counter and rolled her body, meeting her empty eyes. 

"You should be carefully, never know when a demon's lurking," Dean advised lightly. He twisted the ring on his finger and peered down at Ruby with a cold look. Sam had never seen Dean look or act so brutal before.

His big brother ruffled Sam's hair, seeming amused by his shock, before reaching to slide the blade from Ruby's midsection. It was a shiny silver with elegant carvings all over it. 

"Wasn't sure it would work," Dean admitted, cleaning the blade and handling it was ease. "Supposedly an angel's blade."

Sam still didn't know what to say, Dean picked at the glass and peered up at him, waiting to see. 

Dean had just killed Ruby. 

One of the toughest survivors Sam had ever known and Dean just killed her in a space of seconds, a little omega boy. Sam hated the thought as soon as it came, thinking that being a omega made Dean weaker.  

"What's going on here?" Sam started and twisted to see Bobby at the door, frowning at them. He flipped the closed sign and locked the door, yanking curtains closed.

"Well? Why’d you call me in a panic?" 

"Demon set off the alarm," Dean shrugged and pointed to the door. Bobby frowned at it, running his hand along the frame and pausing at an uneven piece. 

"What is it?" Bobby questioned.

"It's a EMF reader, tuned to demons under the door frame. I hooked it up to my phone," Dean explained and held it up to show what looked exactly like an EMF reader monitor. "I put them around the house too just in case." 

Bobby eyed it but to Sam's surprise he didn't look remotely surprised by it.    

"You just made a EMF reader tuned to demons," Sam finally choked, staring up at his brother astonished. Dean shrugged like it was nothing but Bobby peered at him longer. 

"You should take it seriously boy," He directed at Dean who blinked up at him. "I watched you make EMF readers out of Walkmans, fix guns with masking tape, and work you way through alarms all before you were fourteen. You got a hell of a brain in that thick skull of yours."

Dean ducked his head again, but this time a tiny smile touched his face. Sam watched his casually brutality melt back into the boy he knew.  

"Had to look out for Sammy."

"By killing my friend," Sam croaked. 

"Demon's aren't your friend, more so possible drug dealing demons," Dean shot back, tone soothing, like Sam was the little boy. 

"Save it," Bobby cut in. "Let's get this cleaned up and then Sam can explain his 'friend'."

So they cleaned up everything, Dean polishing blood off china while Bobby and Sam wrapped and hauled the body. While Sam picked up glass Dean called the storeowner and apologized for accidentally breaking the display glass. He offered to pay for it to be replaced but Sam could hear the old woman refusing, insisting the glass was no good if it broke because Dean leaned on it. She would call the manufacture right away and have it all sorted.

It helped that she thought Dean was cutest and sweetest omega to ever grace the earth, bringing Sam lunches and looking after him like a proper omega. She liked to ask when Sam would make a honest boy out of him. Dean never once snapped at her for her stereotypes and old world thinking but rather played on it.

Right now it was saving their ass.  

They took the body and buried it in the auto yard, Sam and Bobby working hard while Dean was in the house making dinner. Casual as you please about the whole mess.  

"You probably wouldn't remember this, but when you were a boy, four or five maybe, some guy tried to grab you," Bobby suddenly said, watching Sam haul dirt over the grave. Sam frowned up at him but kept working. 

"And?" 

"John was working in a auto shop for some spare cash and you and Dean were playing in the garage drive way. John was under a truck distracted and some son of a bitch just came of the street and tried to grab you. You screamed and Dean grabbed a screwdriver and stabbed him clean through the knee. Guy was done before he even managed a step."

Bobby paused, looking back toward the house, the lights on now as the sunlight faded. 

"John said he was just getting out from under the truck, his first sight was you crying with Dean holding your hand and in the other he had a screwdriver that he shoved in the guys neck. Killed him."

Sam stopped mid-dig and looked up at Bobby in shock. "What?" 

"John always said after that he never worried about leaving you with Dean. I don't know what the hell to think, but I do know that when it came to you Dean was always overprotective. For all we say about omega's being weak and frail, no one ever argues the whole mama bear stereotype, but no one thinks about what it means either. I'm not saying what Dean did was all right, he took down a demon in broad daylight the idiot.”

Bobby gave Sam a look and he went back to shoveling, working away as Bobby talked on.

“But he spent his time with you down there, cleaning you up and listening to you screaming, Dean sat by the stairs for the whole damn thing, refused to leave. I brought Ellen to try and get him out but he wouldn't go and the one time Jo figured she would make him he laid her out flat in a blink.”

Bobby huffed and shook his head.

“He sheltered you from all the bad John hunted but no one ever sheltered him. Dean's a tough kid and he's smart as hell but he don't care about right and wrong. He only cares about his family. So you think about all that before you go in there all stirred up because he knifed your demon friend." 

Bobby walked away after his speech and Sam watched him go.

After a moment he went back to work and finished burying Ruby. Sam was more stunned then angry with Dean. He tried to work up a rage but all he could see was Dean, moving as smooth as you pleased, slamming Ruby down and stabbing her in one easy motion. How many times had he done that already? How many times had John took Dean on a hunt. Sam liked to think he never had but the way Dean moved spoke otherwise. 

Dean had been hunting, Dean had killed.

Had killed for Sam since he was a kid apparently. But Ruby had been a friend, she could have helped them. If some demon was planning on going after Dean, Sam wanted to know as much as he could. Now his main source of information was in the ground. Ruby had helped Sam for years, had saved his ass plenty of times and taught him to control his powers. She had been his friend. 

Sam thought of what she had been beyond that, blood smearing as they rolled around together in bed. Rough hard sex that Sam never knew he wanted. He could remember a night when Ruby had laid Sam back and ridden him. Unbidden the image twisted to Dean on top of him and Sam swore. 

God he was fucked up.   

Trudging into the house, he sat down at the dinner table as Dean handed out helping of pasta. 

"Everything good?" Bobby asked him and Sam nodded. Tucking into his food. The air was tense as they ate but no one said a word about it. Afterwards Bobby eyed Sam sternly before going to bed early. Leaving the brothers alone in the kitchen as Dean started the dishes. 

Sam struggled to start a conversation, to calmly explain why Dean had no right to kill someone like that. 

"Don't." Dean spoke with a sharp tone, his focus completely on the dishes. 

"What?" 

"Just don't Sammy. I don't want to hear all the reasons and excuses. Just got to bed or something." 

"Excuses, Dean you have no idea-"

"I don't need to Sammy, you were standing there with a demon!" Dean snarled and whirled to face him. "I ran my ass from school, straight across town thinking you were fighting off some demon and when I get there, you’re making eyes at it!" 

"Damn it, just listen. It's not what you think. You don't understand and you won't even listen to me. Ruby wasn't a threat."

Dean just stared at him until Sam realized his slip up. 

"Shit. Yes, it was Ruby. But she helped me Dean, she helped me hunt for years."

"Did she give you her own blood?" 

Sam watched Dean turn away and start cleaning again, waiting for an answer. "Yeah, she did. It helped me control my powers. Which I can't even feel anymore." 

"Wonder what that could mean," Dean scoffed and Sam glared, standing up and walking over to Dean. 

"It means that advantage I had is gone now." 

"Sammy, who the hell cares? The demon that killed mom is dead. Are you gonna spend the rest of your life chasing monsters? You used to dream of the day you would be mister normal and now you suck back demon blood?"

"Priorities change Dean, I left this life and it followed me, people I cared about died because I wasn't careful." 

"So what, that's it then? You'll hunt till your dead? Follow Dad's footsteps?" 

Sam clenched his fists at the comparison. Dean still wasn't looking at him and it was driving him crazy. 

"Will you ever stop comparing me to him?"  

"Will you stop acting like him?"

Sam stepped forward and turned Dean round by the shoulders, ready to explain all the ways he was nothing like their dad. The words and his anger died when he saw Dean's tears. His brother glared at the floor looking as angry as he could but his chin trembled.  

"Just go then. If that's what you want Sammy. You want thrilling hunts and demon friends, chasing after the next bad guy then just go already," Dean sounded wreaked, wiping his face with his forearm because his hands were soapy. 

"I spent so long looking after Dad, helping him to bed when he was fall down drunk, stitching up bloody holes in him, listening to him promise we'd settle down soon, talking about the demon who killed mom. I get that it matters, I get that might be what you want but I..." Dean cut off, pressing himself into the counter and seeming to gather his strength. "I don't want that." It sound so forbidden, a whisper of something Dean kept buried deep and Sam could feel his chest compress with the sheer weight behind such a tiny whisper. 

"I'll want to follow you, to look out for you until the end of time, but Sammy I can't...I just can't watch you live like Dad did, tiny pieces of you breaking away as the years go on. I just, I can't-" Dean choked off, twisting to the sink and starting the dishes. 

"It's your life Sam. We make our own choices," Dean said, his voice more confident but his shoulders far too stiff. 

Sam didn't know what to say, he didn't know what words would reassure Dean. If anything there were no words. Sam could promise Dean the sky and Dean would just nod along unbelieving until the Sam delivered. It was actions that held worth to Dean, to a brother Sam was starting to realize he knew nothing about for all his worship of him as a kid. 

So Sam tried his best.

They settled in and while Sam kept an ear out, he never went chasing demons. Dean went to school, saying it was ok and doing well without trying.

Sam’s attempts to get him more involved ended with Dean rolling his eyes and side stepping plans. Dean was far more invested in cooking then he was school. Keeping Bobby's house in good condition and making it extra neat for when Ellen visited. Those were the things that mattered to Dean and Sam couldn't argue that. As a young boy he would have been angry that Dean wasn't dedicated to his education but as a man he could see that Dean’s priorities were different then his. Dean had no plans or interest in college and to try and force him into it would be little different then John trying to force Sam out of it. Dean took cooking and auto mechanics for his extra classes and he was top of his classes in both. Some guy tried to bully Dean once and went to emergency for it. 

Sam had gone in with Bobby, the two of them as intimidating as anything while the asked the principle about why someone was allowed to harass an omega in the first place. It was backward thinking but if it got Dean out of trouble Sam would use it. In the end they loomed and growled enough for Dean to be let off. After that there was no bitching about idiots bugging him and Sam made a point to pick Dean up, leaning against the truck and going for a stern look. 

"You look like a serial killer," Dean teased as he tossed his bag into the truck and climbed in. Sam shrugged unrepentantly as he drove them home. They had never moved out of Bobby's place, always finding some reason to stay a little longer.

Bobby himself was in no hurry to kick them out and found his own reasons. There was enough room and with his little pay, Sam was covering the groceries at least. Dean cooked and cleaned the house up as well as answering phones, earning his keep. There were lists now beside each landline, what the number was supposed to be, who they were supposed to be, and whom they were likely covering for. Dean seemed to get a kick out of assuming roles and Bobby never complained. 

So a few months turned into years. 

Sam seriously offered once to find a place for him and Dean but Bobby just shook his head once and they never spoke of it. Sam found it hard at times, living in someone else's house but Dean was content and Sam would gnaw off his own arm before he ruined that.

The old lady who ran the antique shop started giving Sam more duties and eventually he was doing all the books while also minding the shop. It was a little more pay so Sam picked up online courses to try and get a degree in book keeping or accounting, anything that would be a steadier career. Dean grumbled but went to school, catching up with the modern age and bitching about kids these days.

It felt ridiculous to say it, but the years flew by.

To Sam, it felt like he blinked and Dean was eighteen and about to graduate.

Bobby was talking about moving, leaving to go live with Ellen and letting the boys look after his house for him. Sam still worked at the antique shop but he'd gotten invested and turned it into an online shop that actually did well.

He spent his days packaging delicate cups in crates to be mailed while Dean laughed at him brightly. With product actually moving from the store now the replacements had been left up to Sam. At first he just found more antiques but in his searching, he stumbled upon a blessed jar and snatched it up. With his knowledge, he was finding supernatural items left and right. Not necessarily an occult shop but certainly not just a fine china place either. Sam focused on guns mainly, older models that were made with iron or special materials, weapons meant to hunt monsters.

So hunters would come through from time to time. They'd laugh at the dolls and figurines and then drool over some eighteenth-century rifle that loaded wood bullets. Sam knew enough to demand cash only and he kept good alarms in the shop.

Well, Dean actually did to be honest.

He walked around and wired the walls, hid tiny monitors and painted all sorts of seals and wards. The shop was a tiny place with glass windows and lace curtains but enforced better than fort Knox.

It was truly impressive.

On the rare occasion, Dean would help a hunter out with specialized tracking or hunting equipment. It took time and hours of delicate work wiring bits and pieces that Sam barely understood, but Dean could make just about anything.

He'd build a motion detector for Ash that would pick up on supernatural creatures from humans and let you know which was which and the guy hadn't shut up about it since.

So they’d get calls asking for Dean, asking if he could make something that could locate a basilisk or detect a banshee. Dean hadn't said much about it but Sam was sure Dean intended to start building more once school was over. In the meantime Sam started doing the cleaning around the house. He tried cooking a few times but Dean was far superior at it. But washing floors and vacuuming Sam managed. It gave Dean time to work on his projects so Sam kept at it.

Bobby had given him a garage to work in and it was packed with equipment.

Sam had snooped around and looked through notebooks Dean had with ideas. It was a bit shocking to see the level of sophistication and understanding of engineering and building that Dean had.

All without any proper training.    

Sam wanted nothing more to send Dean off to university for engineering. He’d mentioned it a few times, Bobby and Ellen had too. But Dean shook his head every time.

“S’not what I want. I’m happy here.”

It irked the hell out of Sam and he had to remind himself over and over that it was Dean’s choice. Even if he was throwing a great opportunity away.

“University won’t go anywhere. Let Dean graduate and putter around for a year or two. He’ll know then if he wants more, no point in rushing him.” Bobby figured.

Which was true. Sam honestly didn’t want Dean leaving him. Moving wasn’t an option for Sam, his job paid well now and he wouldn’t find a set up like it anywhere else. So he’d have to stay put while Dean went off.

Alone.

He’d be swarmed with alphas, all looking to win him over.

Sam wouldn’t be there to loom over them, glaring at the little punks when they dared to bother Dean.

When he wanted, Sam went to bars and hooked up, there were a few girls he met up with and one slender omega male that bore a passing resemblance to Dean.

Sam tried not to think about it too much.

He tried to hide that twisted part of him, that sick thing inside him that lusted his own brother, that craved Dean.

It was only made worse that Dean was growing drop dead gorgeous. Heads turned to follow him these days and Sam did his best to glare off the perverts.

Not that he could blame people. Dean had the ideal omega build, on the tall side but curvy, shapely hips and slender shoulders. He never filled out like an alpha would have. Instead, his soft face stayed that way. His baby fat faded but his soft features remained, a full mouth, cute nose and wide green eyes with thick full eyelashes. Sam had caught himself over the years staring too hard at his brother, feeling his cock twitch.

When Dean was fifteen he dated a free willed omega female named Anna for a year.

Anna was all about living life in the moment. They had met at school but Anna had dropped out shortly after to travel. She and Dean would meet up when she came through town and spend their days attached at the hip.

Dean was never gooey in love and didn’t seem too bothered when Anna would take off but he did always smile brightly when she came back.

They’d always end upstairs with the bedroom door closed.

Sam tried not to be judging he did wonder if Dean was being safe and all that.

During one late night when Dean had recently turned sixteen, Sam stumbled to bed. The bathroom door was closed and he glanced at Dean’s door, expecting it to be closed as well.

It wasn’t.

The door was ajar.

The light was off but the hall was lit and casting a sliver of light into the dark room.

Dean was laid out on the bed.

Naked.

Sam stood frozen, staring at his brother.

Dean was laid out on his stomach, completely nude and at ease, relaxed, dozing even. His skin shone with the sheen of sweat and the soft musk of sex lingered. He looked like something out of a porn mag. Even more, something out of lore, a creature meant to lure men to their dooms.

Sam was hard in his jeans, staring at Dean, trying to memorize every inch of skin he had on display. The shape of his shoulders, the dip of his lower back leading to the swell of his full ass. God, Sam’s mouth was watering. Strong smooth thighs and shapely calves even. Dean was turning into something stunning.

The toilet flushed and startled Sam into motion, hastily going to his own bedroom and closing the door before Anna returned.

He never noticed Dean’s gaze watching him go.

Anna came and went with more time between her visits until finally she just never came back.

“Off to Europe,” Dean simply said when Sam inquired.

 

Benny showed up when Dean turned seventeen, they were friends first and even then Sam hated the alpha punk. He slung his arm around Dean so casually and made sexual comments like it was nothing.

Sam wanted to strangle him.

Dean would just roll his eyes and make excuses for Benny, saying he was a weirdo but he meant well and nonsense like that. He didn’t bring Benny around as often as Anna but he did go out more with him. Sam wasn’t sure which was worse, having the bastard around or having him off somewhere with Dean where Sam couldn’t see.

“Could you imagine if I knocked you up?” Benny joked one day, waggling his eyebrows at Dean while they sat in the kitchen and went over homework.

Sam froze at the counter, he swallowed to push down the rage and turned to fix Benny with a calm even look.

“No worries,” he cheered. “If you ever dared I’d kill you,” he explained perfectly sincere. Benny huffed a laugh that faded as Sam stared him down.

Dean sighed and shook his head.

“Alright, stop terrorizing,” he commanded and Sam went, feeling smug.

He never liked Benny but he really hated him when Benny caught on.

“I think I get you,” he told Sam one evening. Dean was in the kitchen finishing some fancy dinner and he’d banished both Sam and Benny to the living room so he could finish. Of late Dean’s meals had gone a little insane, days worth of prep and perfect blends and mixes, things Sam barely understood. It was the best food Sam had ever had, though.

He couldn’t even begrudge Benny for finding reasons to be over for dinner.

“Get me?” Sam echoed, watching the tv firmly, hoping he could just ignore the snot nosed alpha pup.

“You’re hot for Dean,” Benny announced and Sam nearly choked on his beer, sitting forward to cough and turn a furious look on the kid.

“Are you crazy? Dean’s my- he’s like my brother,” he growled. In the moment Sam truly despised not being known as Dean’s brother anymore, playing the role of an older family friend.

“Sure,” Benny replied in a tone that suggested he didn’t believe it at all.

Sam hated him after that.

More so when he caught them fucking.

Sam wasn’t out chasing tail all the time but once a month he’d go out to the local bar or venture a few hours to the bigger city. He had aimed for the city but ended up turning back when the car kept stalling.

The house was dark and Sam didn’t think, he just went in. The TV was on in the living room, casting light on the couple on the couch. Sam saw Dean first, down on his knees, his head down as he panted softly, bouncing back and forth.

Benny was behind him, hands on Dean’s hips, shoving into him. He saw Sam and the son of a bitch smirked at him. Fucking winked at Sam.

An angry twisted sound forced its way from his throat and Dean looked up, eye glazed with sexual heat for a moment. He blinked at Sam confused for a split second and then he was jumping up. He shoved Benny back and right off the couch, scrambling to cover himself up.

Sam cursed, rushing towards them. His hands shook but he managed to get a grip on himself. He took Benny by the arm and yanked him up, shoving him towards the door.

“Get the fuck out,” he snarled.

“Jesus, cool it, Sammy,” Dean yelled, covered with the blanket off the couch.

Sam ignored him and grabbed Benny’s pants and shirt in one hand, never letting the boy go for a second. He dragged him down the hallway to the front door.

“Sammy!” Dean was trailing after them.

“Ease up,” Benny grumbled but the alpha couldn’t break Sam’s grip. He towered over the younger man and a single look had Benny going along.

Sam tossed him out the front door naked and then threw him his clothing. He slammed the door before Dean could say a word.

“Well, you handled that well,” Dean announced after a pause and Sam choked out a laugh.

“It had to be him?”

“That’s your issue?” Dean frowned.

“I dunno, I don’t want any punk alphas sniffing around you but Benny is such an ass, God he smirked and winked at me when I came in Dean, like I should high five him or something.”

Dean’s frown grew and he glared at the door.

“I get it. He likes to push your buttons, I have no idea why. But there're not many kids around my age that I get along with Sammy. Most of them make me want to sit them down and give life lessons.”

Sam huffed, leaning against the door.

“Got it. I’m trying not to be a dick here, I really am.”

Dean eyed him for a long moment before giving a sigh and slumping his shoulders.

“I believe you.”

They looked back at one another for a moment.

“Did you really throw him out naked?”

Sam grinned, feeling like an ass but Dean was fighting his own smile so it all worked out.

 

Benny came and went after that. Sam tried his best not to be a bastard about Dean’s choices but there was always friction between the two alphas. Sam found himself missing Anna, who never worked Sam up like Benny did.

Near the end of Dean’s school year, an old girlfriend of Benny’s appeared and swept him off his feet. He ended up running off with her and Sam wanted to wave goodbye.

Dean took it with a shrug.

“I always knew he would go looking for her. He never got over her to begin with. What was between us was more about…” Dean trailed off and shrugged; looking down at the car they were working on together.

“Sex?” Sam filled in and Dean nodded.

“We were friends and we got lonely,” he explained and Sam nodded his head, happy to go along with it all because in the end, Benny was gone.

Dean graduated high school and Sam couldn’t have been prouder of him. Bobby, Ellen, Jo, and Ash all came out for the ceremony. A strange mix of a family but Dean didn’t seem bothered, smiling and waving to them as he was given his certificate.

No one pressed him on future plans and for a time it seemed like everything would be fine.

 

Then Castiel showed up.

Sam had no clue who he was or where he came from, how Dean met him or came to trust him but the guy was just there all of a sudden.

He met him when he went to bring a lunch of sandwiches to Dean who was holed up in his workshop, trying to build a sensor for ghouls. He slowed when he heard a low voice, someone else unexpectedly there.

“It will be necessary. I know you don’t like this, but it has to be this way.”

Sam paused at that, mind working as he pushed the door open.

He expected someone gruff hunter maybe, someone he recognized. But it was a stranger standing beside Dean, a man in a rumpled suit and tan trench coat.

Sam was struck but a sense of familiarity he couldn’t place. It was followed by a sense of wrong, something about the man screamed off and strange.

Dean looked to Sam, ending the conversation as he watched him come in and put the sandwiches down.

He glanced wearily at the stranger who stared back calmly.

“Who are you?” He finally settled on, trying to be polite but to the point, feeling every protective instinct rise in him.

“This is Castiel, Dad knew him. Trusted him,” Dean introduced.

Sam offered his hand and after a bizarre pause, the man took it awkwardly.

“Sam Winchester, the man with the demon blood.”

“Jesus Cas,” Dean groaned and Sam took his hand back, swallowing and standing taller.

“I haven’t messed with that in years.”

“It’s not something that leaves,” Castiel replied evenly. He turned back to Dean and in turn he leaned back to eye the strange man. The watched one another, seeming to have a silent conversation and Sam felt his irritation and suspicion rise.

“So you knew dad?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

“What’s that mean?”

The man just stared back.

“So how did you find Dean?”

“I looked.”

Sam gritted his teeth and Dean watched the two of them, looking back and forth curiously.

“What’s going on here?” He asked Sam and he tried to reign himself in.

“I’m just worried about who he is and what he wants from us.”

“Meaning?” Dean hedged and Sam couldn’t help it.

“He’s…old, Dean.”

His brother groaned long and loud. “God, Sammy! Ever since I turned eighteen every single alpha and plenty of omegas are all secretly after my sweet ass to you!”

Sam wanted to protest but the thing was, Dean was right. People did make passes at him left and right and Dean never seemed to pick up on it. So Sam had to loom a bit more, glare sometimes and remind Dean carefully not to lead people on.

Dean thought he was being silly.

He didn’t seem to get how gorgeous he was. Fuck, he was stupidly good looking.

Castiel was the one looking between them now, obviously confused.

“What are your intentions towards Dean?” Sam asked flat out.

Dean laughed outright, slapping his knee and grinning.

“Sam’s worried you're gonna seduce me,” he added.

Castiel frowned.

“I have no sexual interest in Dean.” He explained perfectly serious and Dean was chuckling at the stoic man. He was certainly odd Sam thought.

“More so considering that Dean is currently working through his incestuous urges.”

Sam blinked and Dean nearly slid from his chair. His ear burned red as color bloomed on his face.

“Cas! You son of a bitch.” Dean hissed and the man glanced at him.

“You have told me it is an issue,” he simply replied.

Sam meanwhile was having a crisis inside his mind, thoughts spinning out of control as he glanced at Dean and found him flushed red as he railed at the other man. Incestuous urges? It wasn’t like there was anyone beyond Sam who was related to Dean.

“I’ll go then,” Castiel announced and then he hesitated weirdly, a touch confused as Dean glared at him and then motioned towards the door. The man walked stiffly away without any goodbyes.

“Please ignore him,” Dean requested, face in his hand. “Castiel mixes things up, he means well but fuck is he bad at it.”

Sam wanted to take it at face value but Dean’s sudden extreme reaction gave him room to pause.

“Sure,” he reassured, knowing he was going to obsess over it.

The thing was, Sam was fixated on Dean in a way that hadn’t faded over the years. After his brother had been taken Sam had hunted for him, had focused on him for years and years. When Dean returned suddenly that fixation shifted to him in the flesh. Sam tried to play it off as brotherly love but he knew it went beyond that. More than just a sexual urge even. Sam was in love with his brother. It was sick and wrong but Sam knew it was the truth. He would sleep with others but everyone was a stand in for Dean, everyone was compared and found wanting.

Sam had made his peace with it.

It wasn’t supposed to ever be anything. Sam would just silently pine and let Dean go find someone else. There was never any chance of anything, it was just Sam’s fucked up thing.

Dean was never to feel anything in return.

The next few days were packed with tension, the boys walking around each other like gunslingers, both hyper aware of one another.

Dean would try to act casual and Sam would go with it but then they’d stare at each other a touch too long or brush shoulders. Something that would remind Sam of the attraction and everything would go weird again.

 

“God, this is fucked up,” Dean grumbled on the third morning. He stood up from the breakfast table and walked around to face Sam. He, in turn, pushed his chair out and turned to face his brother.  

“Look, Cas is dumb for saying that. It’s not something I’d ever act on Sammy, I’m not going to jump your bones or anything,” Dean rushed out quickly and Sam shakily nodded his head.

“I feel like I’ve fucked everything up between us, like we can’t just be…us anymore.” Dean sighed and he looked genuinely upset about it. Sam inched closer and offered his brother a weak smile.

“We are still. We will be again. If we can deal with monsters and all that, then for sure we can deal with strange sibling attraction.”

Dean nodded his head firmly and they shared a look. Sam grinned and Dean slowly returned it before it faded from his face.

“You don’t… you don’t think I’m fucked up do you?” He asked softly, glancing at Sam before looking at the floor.

“Nah. Nothing like that. I get it, I’m hot,” Sam grinned and Dean rolled his eyes. “But honestly,” Sam swallowed and steeled his nerves. It was now or never.

“I get it. I get it more than I want to admit.”

Dean went still beside him blinking slowly and then looking up at Sam questioningly.

“I mean, I’ve been dealing with the same thing,” Sam made himself say. “I think it’s because we live together like this, kind like a couple would, so it makes sense in a weird way. It’s a fixation thing. And we can ignore it,” he rushed to explain as Dean stared at him.

His brother just kept staring at Sam and after a moment he stepped closer to him, standing between Sam’s spread knees and making him tip his head back to look at his big brother.

“It’s not a big deal,” Sam offered weakly and Dean just eyed him, trying to read something there. His hands came up and rested on either side of Sam’s head.

The room felt too quiet, severe and a touch terrifying as Dean looked at him.

Something about Dean’s intensity was freaking Sam out, making his heart pound and when Dean leaned closer Sam went stiff, realizing only then what was happening like a fool.

He wanted to say something, to protest the dirty wrong bad of it but the words refused to come, lodged in Sam’s throat stubbornly.

Dean was stupidly pretty up close, soft freckles and bright eyes with thick lashes, he looked like a damn model. His mouth was so soft looking, pink and gleaming after he licked his lip. Sam stared, mesmerized as if felt like forever for Dean to lean the rest of the way and kiss him.

Dean’s hands slid down Sam’s face and neck to rest on his shoulders. His mouth was warm and careful. Sweetly innocent in a way that made Sam feel like a monster and simultaneously turned him on so bad.

Dean, Dean, Dean.

Sam’s hands reached up without his permission, touching Dean’s trim waist and then curling around it. It was so tiny, Dean was still so tiny, a pretty little omega. That sort of backward thinking was cringe worthy but in the safety of his mind Sam reveled in it. Reveled in how gorgeous Dean was, how much he got to Sam’s hindbrain and lit it up. Made him want to curl up around Dean and guard him for life, hissing like a dragon at anyone who got close. He made Sam want everything; he wanted Dean sweat soaked and trembling, legs spread and willing for Sam.

Dean pulled back a touch but then rained soft kisses against Sam’s mouth, holding his chin in one hand to make Sam tip his head back. Dean’s gaze was heavy-lidded, he looked hazy and perfectly fine with this. There was no guilt or fear, no humiliation or disgust.

It chased all those things out of Sam, the way Dean looked at him.

“Sammy,” Dean breathed against his mouth. “You big dolt. You should’a said something ages ago.”

Sam closed his eyes and fought every urge to grab Dean up and rush him into the bedroom. The urge to strip him bare and fuck him into the mattress.

“S’not something you share Dean, incestuous urges and all that.”

Dean smirked, still not looking remotely remorseful as he wound his arms around Sam’s neck. “When have we ever followed rules like that.”

Sam wanted to protest but the storm twisting in him was steadily dying down, fading into nothing when faced with Dean. He was pushing all the shame and horror so far away, as if it couldn’t touch them because Dean didn’t care.

“The world might have something to say,” Sam managed, trying to remember all the reasons why this was wrong.

“Oh? Because Sam Winchester has something for Dean Singer?”

Sam blinked and Dean smirked. Sam had forgotten that. Dean was, on paper, Bobby’s nephew and not related to Sam.

“And the whole kid thing…” Dean trailed off and shrugged a shoulder. “It’s not like I can anyway.”

Sam blinked.

“What?”

Dean shrugged again and Sam could read the awkwardness radiating off him, a sadness too. Deep enough that Sam took Dean’s hand without thinking, squeezing softly.

“Dean?”

“I… my heats have never been crazy intense you know. Benny mentioned it and I got tested a few years ago. They said I won’t ever have kids.” Dean talked lightly like it didn’t matter but Sam could see that it was killing Dean.

“Jesus, Dean, I’m so sorry, you never said anything.”

“It’s not like you can do anything,” Dean replied. “It’s not like it’s a huge deal either,” he added looking away.

“Sure,” Sam agreed, wishing there was something he could say.

“Seriously Sammy, it sucks but it at least I’m healthy and all that.”

“Got it, still gonna hug you,” Sam announced and Dean rolled his eyes but let Sam stand and wrap Dean up in a snug embrace.

 

The mutual attraction changed their teasing. It was charged now, with too long looks and lingering touches. It was sexual.

It was so utterly wrong but Sam had justified drinking demon blood. Wanting his own brother seemed so easy in comparison. There was no dark magic, not one to harm or hurt. There was just Dean with his sly smiles and teasing eyes.

Sometimes he would turn the radio on, classic rock, low and sweet in the air with Dean humming along with it. If he thought he was alone he would sway a bit, back and forth to the tune, singing sweetly even. He likes to be barefoot in the kitchen, jeans and loose t-shirts. Hands caked with flour while he baked something fresh and delicious. The sun set against the house, so if it was the right hour, the warm shine of it would wash into the windows and bathe Dean gold.

He looked like something holy, like a saint from a sacred book.

It punched Sam in the gut every time.

But then Dean would turn and see him, start a bit and glare. But his look could go soft, warm and inviting, a touch teasing.

He wanted Sam.

Sam was helpless to deny him.

 

It was 3am when Sam woke to the front door bell. He checked his phone on the bedside immediately but there were no new messages.

Still, he felt fear pull at him. Dean was visiting Ellen and Bobby, helping them with some new project he needed to be there to look at. He was safe in the bar, not out hunting anything. He was safe, Sam reminded himself over and over as he hurried down the stairs, flicking lights on as he went. There were numerous weapons hidden at the door, Sam still checked the eyehole.

The man, Castiel stood on the other side, waiting impatiently. He hadn’t been back since the one time, but Sam knew Dean kept in contact with him. More so, he knew Dean respected Castiel as a hunter.

Jealously twisted in his stomach.

Sam pushed it back and unlocked the front door. Regardless of his own issues, Castiel was a hunter and a trusted one.

Sam still stopped short when he was greeted with two children in front of Castiel. A little glaring boy and a smaller girl wrapped around him. Both were blood spattered.

“Jesus, come in,” Sam ushered them down the hall and into the kitchen, grabbing the first aid box from the cupboard.

“They are not hurt,” Castiel explained, watching Sam calmly.

“Alright, why are they here then?”

Sam glanced at the two, watching them watch him. “Are you hungry? Would you like something to drink or eat? A blanket?” Sam wasn’t great with kids, he felt too big and awkward around them.

Grabbing a blanket it tossed it around them both, minding their heads and settling it around the securely. They needed a bath and a change of clothing.

“They have witnessed a demon possess their mother and kill their father. They also witnessed me casting it out.”

Sam frowned at Castiel, demon casting was no little thing. “You should have called the police or child services, dropped them off a police station.”

Castiel frowned now, tilting his head in an odd way and looking at the kids.

“They know demons exist. No one would believe that.”

Sam ran a hand through his hair, glancing at the children. The boy ‘s face was locked in a blank stubbornness, a glare that reminded Sam immediately of Dean. The girl just clung to her sibling, too young to understand, her eyes wide and trusting.

“Child services would help them,” Sam argued.

“They would insist their mother killed their father.”

Sam’s face twisted because he did get it in a way. He couldn’t image what it would be like for a boy who saw something horrifying and then to have people tell him over and over he was wrong, to blame his innocent mother.

“It wasn’t my mom,” the boy finally rasped, utterly certain. “That thing wasn’t my mom.”

He looked so tiny, trembling chin, even as he raised his head and dared Sam to disagree, clinging to his sister.

“No, it wasn’t,” Sam sighed.

He got the children into the tub to clean, the boy insisting he help his sister, glaring suspiciously at Sam. It was adorable and got Sam right in the heart. He stayed in the bathroom but avoided looking at the tub if he could. Sam didn't know the rules but naked kids made him uncomfortable either way.  

After that they wore oversized shirts and settled into the spare bedroom together, the girl falling asleep almost immediately.

“It’s safe here, this place is protected,” Castiel explained and the boy seemed to settle after that.

“Sam is a hunter and Dean will be back soon, he will help you,” the man added and the boy nodded.

Once the kids were asleep Castiel left the room, heading downstairs. He was strange. The way he held himself as he walked, how he talked so emotionlessly, everything about him was off. Sam fought the urge to be weary of the man.

“You need somewhere to crash?”

Castiel tilted his head and seemed to consider, like Sam’s question was confusing.

“I… do not. I’ll leave now.”

“When will you get back?”

Castiel looked out right confused then. “I won’t.”

“Those kids,” Sam began but Castiel shook his head.

“Dean knows more about this sort of thing then I do. He can find them a safe home, somewhere they will be believed and protected.”

Castiel nodded at Sam and then left.

It occurred to Sam as he laid down to sleep that he didn’t even know the kid’s names.

 

“He just dropped two kids off and left?” Dean demanded and Sam winced a bit, glancing at the kids at the breakfast table, eating cereal quietly.

“He kinda insinuated that you knew?”

“Welcome to Castiel Sam, he’s a slippery damn eel that one. I’ll ask around here and I’m sure we can forge some papers for them, but I don’t know squat about how to find them a new family, more so a hunter one.”

“Great,” Sam surmised.

“Pretty much. I’ll head home first thing tomorrow, can you handle a day?”

“I can try.”

Sam hung up and hoped this wasn't going to go to hell immediately.

“Can we have something else? This cereal tastes bad,” the little girl announced, looking at Sam curiously. It was plain bran cereal but then most days Dean cooked.

“I can make eggs and bacon decently?”

So Sam managed to serve up a warm breakfast.

“Thank you, mister,” the girl smiled.

“Uhh, Sam, you can call me Sam. What’s your names?”

“Sara, and my brother Jacob,” the girl answered readily, talking eagerly about them and their family. The way she talked was odd, as if her parents were still alive.

Sam noticed Jacob frowning at her but he didn’t say anything.

After a few awkward hours of drawing, the girl went down for a nap. Sam hoped Jacob would too but the older boy just watched his sister sleep on the couch for a moment before following Sam into the kitchen.

“A demon killed my parents.”

Thrown, Sam just nodded.

“I took over my mom and killed my dad and then it killed her, monsters are real.”

Jacob had to be around ten and he stood tall but his hands shook.

“My mom and dad are dead now.”

Sam at least knew how to react to this, a shocked boy feeling reality sink in. He carefully scooped the boy up in a hug and Jacob melted into him, clutching his shirt tightly as he sobbed.

Sam knew better than to offer empty comforts so he just hugged the boy and rubbed his back soothingly.

Once Jacob sobbed himself out he laid down with his sister.

Sam kept an eye on them and started dinner. He had planned to just grab takeout on his own but with kids he figured a home cook meal was better. Sam wasn’t anywhere as good as Dean was but he could manage hamburgers and fries.

Sara was bright and happy, she chattered during dinner, Sam talking with her about puppies. She was very keen on puppies and had been trying to get her parents to buy them one for months.

Jacob was clear uncomfortable every time his sister mentioned their parents and Sam managed to get them through eating and immediately suggested a movie. They didn’t have any kids movies but he knew how to stream them on his laptop, so he hooked it to the tv so Sara picked and the kids sat watching Finding Dory.

Sam ran his hands through his hair at the kitchen table, keeping the kids in his sightline. He used the spare laptop to begin pulling up children and trauma, looking for any advice on the whole mess of landmines laid out before him.

Dean called an hour in and Sam answered immediately.

“How was today?”

“Awkward, I should have taken them somewhere I think, let them run around and burn energy.”

“You could run them in the yard?”

“Dean. It’s an auto yard full of jagged metal and it’s night.”

“Good point. So no one here is jumping to taking on two kids. Even Ellen told me to screw off. Said we have a big empty house and can look after them better than she can.”

“For a bit,” Sam added.

“I dunno. Hunter’s aren’t known for family. People who know about monsters and want kids aren’t that common. We might have to look after these kids for a few months at least.”

Sam glanced at Sara and Jacob, cuddled up and watching to TV avidly.

“We’ll manage,” he decided and Dean muttered a soft agreement.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, we’ll get them settled in and figure out what to do. It’s summer so they wouldn’t have been in school. We can tell anyone that their family and we took them in on an emergency, a car accident or something to keep them from pressing the kids. Castiel said they were from the other side of the country and that no one should come looking for them, whatever the hell that means. Ash will keep an eye out for reports as well.”

“Sounds like a decent cover.”

“It’ll work for a bit, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Dean sounded tired and Sam didn’t doubt he was making the most of his time, working on hunter connections and learning new lore.

“Tomorrow then,” Sam agreed, smiling softly.

“Was that Dean?” Jacob asked, and Sam nearly jumped, the boy sneaking up on him. For the first time he didn’t look so guarded, he looked curious. Sam wanted very badly to give the boy a moment of any kind of happiness.

“Yeah, it was him. Castiel told you about Dean?”

Jacob nodded.

“He said Dean was a good man, a great one. An important hunter who made monsters afraid.”

Sam didn’t know what to think with that, but he didn’t disagree. Dean might not be out there killing himself but the weapons and devices he created certainly killed hundreds.

“Castiel said Dean would take care of us, that he would be our new family. Does that mean you too?”

Sam tried not to gape.

 

“He what?” Dean hissed. The kids were still asleep and Dean was on route towards home in the early morning. Sam hadn't slept a wink.

“Castiel told them you were their new guardian, that you would protect them and be their new family.”

“Jesus fuck, I’m gonna strangle that son of a bitch.”

“If only,” Sam huffed. He leaned against the window frame and watched the sunlight start to brighten the sky.

“So now we got two kids who think this is their new home. I heard them talking about sharing the spare bedroom, wondering if they could get bunk beds.”

“I’ll deal with this, get it sorted.”

Sam doubted that. He doubted that a lot. Dean was going to take one look at the kids and fall. For all his attitude, Dean always melted a bit around kids. Knowing now that Dean couldn’t have kids made Sam feel that much more torn.

“It’s not the worst idea,” Sam breathed and listened to the quiet on the other line.

“Sammy?”

“I’m just saying. You can’t have children, we uhh, can’t have kids together. I just thought… it wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen to us.”

“Sammy, we barely figured out 'us', much less kids,” Despite the denial, Sam could hear a hesitance in his voice.

“Something to think about is all. Maybe in a few months if no one else comes forward?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Dean agreed quietly.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” Sam grinned.

“Sappy bastard,” Dean grumbled just as Sam expected, he could picture his brother’s flushing face. Talk assholes and spunk and Dean shrugged. Break out the feeling and he went red-faced every time. “Love you too,” he grumbled before hanging up.

Sam smirked at his phone, hanging up and setting it down.

A creak on the porch outside made him look up.

The kids were supposed to be up in bed. Sam had no idea if kids stayed in bed typically but he was hoping.

“Jacob? Sara?”

The front door was unlocked, prompting Sam to worry. He walked over and looked outside. Sara was sitting on the steps, arms around her knees as she shivered.

“Hey, what are you doing out here?” Sam asked softly.

Sara didn’t respond so he walked over to her, sitting down careful at her side.

“You can’t come out here like this, it’s safe inside. We stay inside at night,” Sam explained carefully.

“Sam?” Jacob’s sleepy voice called and Sam turned to the door.

“We’re out here,” Sam replied.

“Why don’t we go inside?” He asked Sara, trying to keep his voice light hearted.

He looked over to Jacob at the doorstep, horror painted across his face. Sam reacted in an instant, a lifetime of hunting, but the thing that looked like Sara still managed to slam a knife into his side. The twisted face of a monster looking like a little girl grinned at him. But monsters wearing children’s bodies often forgot one critical thing.

They were small.

Sam backhanded it as hard as he could and sent it flying back, he slammed a hard kick to shove it off the porch and then he ran for it.

He nearly ran over Jacob, yanking him into the house. They tripped over the door jamb and the monster slammed into it, an invisible wall repelling her.

“Sammy,” it crooned at him, starting to change. Sam saw green eyes and knew instantly what it was going to shift into. He yanked the gun from under the cabinet by the door and shot a round in its face before it could finish.

It slumped over, face gone.

Sam dropped the gun and twisted to grab Jacob, turning his face away from the corpse.

“Where’s Sara?”

Please let her be safe, Sam thought. Let he be alive and not dead, not the thing Sam just shot in front of Jacob. Bad enough that he had shot something that looked liked her.

“Up-Upstairs.”

“Good, go check on her,” Sam commanded.

“B-but you…” the boy stared at Sam’s bloody side.

“Sara is more important, go check on her, bring her downstairs into the living room.”

Once Jacob was gone Sam gritted his teeth and got up off the floor.

He ignored the burning of his side and dragged the body into the house. Yanking old coats he covered it before the kids came back. Shoving it to the side Sam limped to the living room and flopped onto the couch.

“My phone,” Sam barely said it and Jacob was pressing it to his hands. Sam wadded his shirt and crammed it to his side, trying to slow the bleeding.

“Sammy? Miss me that bad?” he brother teased.

“Dean,” he managed to croak.

“Sammy? What’s going on?” The humor was gone instantly, Dean serious and focused in a flash.

“Stabbed.”

“What?” Sam could hear the rev of an engine being accelerated.

“Alright, how bad, where, describe it to me.”

“Side, left I think, lots of blood and ouch.”

“Where are you?”

“Living room, kids are here too.”

“Alright. I’ll call an ambulance,” Dean breathed.

“Can’t, kid’s body at the front door. I’ll be alright, just gotta catch my breath,” Sam explained. The knife hadn’t been long but it had jabbed him good, at least three inches. Sam knew he could be bleeding out.

“Talk to me Sammy,” Dean demanded and Sam smirked, always so bossy.

It was his last thought before he blacked out.

 

“I swear Cas, if you did this on purpose,” Dean snarled, right pissed and Sam was immediately glad not to be on the end of that.

“I did no such thing. I did not realize there was another Dean, there was no sign of it when I found the children.”

“Yeah, let’s not forget about them either. What the hell? You can’t just promise random kids I’m going to take care of them.”

“You had mentioned you wanted a family, Dean. They needed one, I merely thought it was a good fit.”

“My ass, you’re so full of shit,” Dean snorted.

Sam smirked at his brother’s no bullshit attitude and he winced when a chuckle felt like a punch to his gut.

“Sammy?” A warm hand brushed his hair back and Sam made himself open his eyes. Dean and Castiel were beside his bed, watching him worried.

Well, Dean was worried, Castiel looked a bit bored and curious if anything.

“Hey,” he managed, feeling like he was weighted to the bed, every muscle aching.

Dean huffed and pressed a hand to Sam, tucking his face against Sam’s neck for a long careful hug before pulling back.

“You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t bother, just get better. I’ll go grab Bobby so he can yell at you in celebration.”

Sam managed a weak grin as Dean left down the hall.

He was in his bedroom, propped by a hundred pillows it seemed.

“Was it bad?” He asked Castiel, who stood in the room alone.

The man eyed him for a long moment before looking down the hall. He stepped a bit closer to Sam.

“You bled out.”

“Made it through, though.”

Castiel frowned again.

“Dean has been through much. Too much for him to lose anything more. He called me because I was the closest and I arrived first. Dean refused to see reason, you were beyond help.”

Sam blinked up at the strange man, trying to understand what he was saying.

“But I’m still here?”

Castiel nodded.

“I… used supernatural means to keep you alive, to minimize the damage.”

That got Sam’s full attention.

“What did you do?”

They both turned at voices coming up the stairs.

“Nothing dangerous. Dean did not realize. A simple deal with a witch I know and trust,” Castiel’s words came strange, practiced. A lie, but which part?

“What the fuck did you do?” Sam hissed.

“Nothing. You are Sam and you remain so. But I had to trade something,” the man glanced down the hall. Dean and Bobby were stopped by the bedroom Jacob and Sara were staying in. Jacob was there, talking animatedly at them. He looked like a little boy suddenly, smiling like Dean hung the moon. What had Castiel told the kid about Dean?

“I thought of all the things to take from you, children would be what you would choose.”

“Children?” Sam glared at the man, feeling his defenses come up, ready to warn Dean to grab Jacob.

“Not like that,” Castiel frowned at him like Sam was an idiot for not understanding. “I traded your ability to have children Sam, in exchange, the stabbing that would have killed you, did not.”

Sam stared at the man, not sure what to say, his mind spinning. It wasn’t impossible. Usually a deal with a well-meaning witch worked like that, a trade of some kind. Sam remembered all the blood seeping from him, the wound bleeding out too quickly, he had thought he would die. But here he was and his side felt fine. There was a gash there, he could feel that, but the red hot pain of the knife from before was gone.

Castiel was weird and Sam didn’t like him, but Dean trusted him and that meant something. Dean was suspicious of everyone for at least a year after meeting them. Castiel was a rare exception to that.  

Dean trusted Castiel, so Sam would as well.

He gave the man a tight nod as Dean entered the bedroom.

“Everything ok?” Dean asked, Jacob at his side and Bobby behind him.

“…Sure,” Sam agreed weakly and Dean fixed Castiel with a dark look. “It’s fine Dean, I was just asking Castiel about what happened.”

“You passed out from a pin prick is what happened,” Bobby grunted.

“It was more than that,” Dean huffed.

“He was fine, a few stitches and a blood transfer, and he’s fine.”

Dean rolled his eyes at Bobby’s grumbling but looked over at Sam with a smile. It was a warm easy thing, a shadow of relief and reassurance there, as he looked Sam over.

“He’s going to be fine, that’s what matters.”

Sam knew then that Dean didn’t know. They all thought it was something minor. Castiel hadn’t told any of them and Sam was certain he was telling the truth. He’d been bleeding too fast for it to be a minor injury.

“Are you going to lay on the couch and watch cartoons?” Jacob asked, looking at Sam curiously. “That’s what I get to do when I’m sick.”

“I like that idea,” Sam replied, smiling at the boy.

Dean ran his hand through the boy’s blond hair, smiling down at him.

“Go check on Sara? Who knows what she and Jo are getting up to,” the boy wrinkled his nose but nodded.

“I’ll go now,” Castiel added, speaking to the room at large before walking away without another word.

“Weirdo,” Bobby muttered once he was gone.

“Thank you,” Sam said, falling back into the pillow.

“He’s not that bad,” Dean rolled his eyes and set about fluffing Sam’s pillows and fussing over him.

 

Sam was healed up and they were settling the kids in when Dean goes into heat. He doesn’t get it bad as most, but it still lays him up for a few days, sweat soaked and curled into a soft bed, demanding food and cuddles.

It’s both cute and trying.

They’ve fooled around a bit, stolen kisses, and a few wandering hands. But they haven’t actually had sex yet. Sam doesn’t expect they will anytime soon so when he brings Dean a slice of pie he’s not expecting Dean to jump him.

But the pie ends up on the nightstand and Sam ends up on his back on the bed, Dean sitting on his stomach.

He can feel the warm slick seeping into his shirt and Sam feels his cock twitch. He sucks in a breath to protest but the heavy scent hits him hard, his dick swells up quickly.

The kids are visiting Bobby today, a break for Sam who had been juggling them and Dean the last few days.

“Dean?”

The omega looks down at him with a strange sort of look, like he thinks Sam is dumb but he loves him anyway.

“Yeah, Sammy?” Dean replies, voice like melting honey as he rolls his hips casually, sliding back a bit more.

“Whatcha doing there?” Sam played along and Dean snorted, pushing his hips back so his ass finally sat on Sam’s cock.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dean muttered, eyes half lidded as he put his hands on Sam’s stomach and used them as leverage so he could rock back and forth against Sam’s cock, rubbing it between the globes of his ass. Dean chewed his lip and grinded more, lazily rocking while Sam struggled to get his brain back. Even through his jeans the pressure was wonderful.

Dean looked like he could ride Sam to orgasm easily and Sam wanted very badly to see that. But he also needed a bit of clarity. Heat sex was something people in committed relationships did. It was more than just a fuck.

Not that Dean was anything less than everything to Sam.

“Dean,” Sam tried not to whine, hips pushing up a touch when Dean moved. Dean huffed out a sigh, rubbing back as Sam lifted up. His dick was already throbbing and Sam knew he could get off on this, never mind Dean, Sam could blow his load right then and there. Just from the sight of Dean on top of him, looking so glorious and utterly forbidden to Sam.

He wondered if there was some twisted part of him that liked their shared blood, liked the sin of it. Sam had enjoyed breaking the rules from time to time.

“Moving fast here,” Sam gasped, trying and failing to be a responsible grown up. But God Dean felt so good and he was being so unusually forward, taking what he wanted from Sam and everything in him wanted to give it up.

“Shut up Sammy,” Dean grumbled sparing him a dirty look for ruining his high. Dean sat back and pulled his shirt off, tossing it on the floor.

“We both now we wanna, and I’ve spend more heats than I wanna admit imagining this. Now that I know I can, I’m gonna,” he explained, grinding down on Sam hard again before sitting up on his knees and pushing at his pajama pants.

“Gonna ride you baby bro,” Dean winked and Sam sort of short-circuited. Dean, the center of his world, the fixation of his life for decades and the star of his fantasies these last few years wanted to fuck Sam.

Who was he to protest. Who was he to fight. Sam had shit resistance. He ended up sucking demon blood during sex. This was a step up really, this was just Dean, slowly owning every inch of a very willing Sam.

Heat sex was special, it was an intent and dedication. Dean couldn’t get pregnant and if Castiel told the truth Sam couldn’t knock him up anyway. So that factor was out but heat sex was still intimate.

Knotting was intimate.

Sam wondered if Dean had waited intentionally. Making their first proper time something special, their first time a heat sex. Beyond the whole illegal incest side of it.

The room felt too small now, Sam’s body warming up and his cock already pulsing eagerly.

Dean undressed on top of him, wiggling out of his bottoms and not caring if he looked silly. It was that strange motion that put Sam at ease, reminding him who this was. Dean was amazing and what made him amazing was how down to earth he was.

“You have heat sex before?” The omega asked as he settled back on Sam’s lap, naked and not hiding in the slightest. Dean was bare and clearly fine with it. The lack of shyness was sexy on him.

Sam chewed his lip and thought to lie before admitting the truth. “No.”

It was a little weird.

He’d had girlfriends and a few boyfriends, lovers who welcomed him. But Sam had never shared heat sex with any of them, never promised a commitment he couldn’t give. He was over thirty years and he’s never had heat sex. Some people never had heat sex and Sam had sort of resigned himself to being one of them. But when he had been younger he had thought he would find his one true love and run off into the sunset. He had expected to have heat sex then. Now here he was, about to do just that with the one person he loved the most in this world.

“Me either, never let Anna or Benny at me during heat.”

That surprised Sam a bit, but he sort of knew as well. Anna and Benny had never been around during Dean’s heats. Sam had wondered if they were sneaking in but Dean’s words assured him that they hadn’t.

“Look at us, virgins together,” Sam tried to joke but the words took on a heavier tone than he intended.

Dean smirked in reply but his eyes were soft. Taking Sam’s hands, he let them to his hips and Sam would deny to his dying day that his fingers trembled a bit as he touched Dean’s bare skin.

He was warm and smooth and Sam had wanted this for so long, and had made himself certain he never would. Carefully he ran his fingers up Dean’s sides and back down, feather light. The omega on his lap still looked cocky as ever but Sam saw the way Dean shuddered a bit.

“You’re so gorgeous,” Sam breathed and he watched the way Dean’s face flushed a bit red. Even like this. “I mean it Dean, you’re so stupidly pretty, it drives me crazy sometimes.”

“Don’t gotta work me up Sammy,”

“Not trying to,” he replied, hands cupping Dean’s hips and leading Dean to rock back and forth on his dick. Dean’s slick had soaked through Sam’s jeans and underwear, the wet heat sensation was making him ache but Sam wanted to draw it out.

“Just wanted you to know Dean, how wild you get me.” Sam teased and Dean rolled his eyes but his face was still flushed, trying to mute his pleasure. Holding on to Dean, Sam sat up and lifted the omega with him. Getting his legs under him so he was kneeling on the bed with Dean on his lap.

Sam pressed a soft kiss to Dean’s neck and then went to his mouth, tasting the spit-wet lips lazily. Dean’s plush mouth opened up for him, like it did every time. He just let Sam in, melting against him and winding his arms around Sam’s neck.

They made out lazily, spit sharing and tongues caressing while Sam kept rolling Dean’s hips, kept pushing Dean’s wet ass down on his dick.

Dean finally shivered, breaking the kiss and whining.

“Come on Sammy, need it,” he grumbled and Sam obediently laid Dean back on the bed.

Dean relaxed on his back, arching his back and spreading his thighs, showing off while Sam nearly tripped getting undressed.

A touch too fast he got back on the bed.

Dean grinned at him, but he looked hazy and happy, cupping Sam’s face before trailing a hand down his bare chest.

“God Sammy, look you, got so big, filled out baby boy.”

Sam tried not to think too much on how knee-jerk the name made him. Like he could likely get off with Dean just talking him through it.

Sam loomed over Dean, holding himself up on his arms as Dean lifted his thighs to either side of Sam’s own, slowly sliding them along his skin, warm and smooth, teasing Sam.

“Big boy,” Dean grinned, eyeing Sam’s cock and Sam couldn’t help but feel a tad proud. He’d never cared before, never thought on it as an adult but a single comment from Dean had him preening.

Their cocks rubbed against one another, bumping and skimming. Sam was leaking, white drops of pre-come and Dean was dribbling a white clear fluid. Between his thighs was soaked, a clear slick making him ready to take Sam.

Part of Sam wanted to give in and just rut into Dean, to mark him with come and claim him.

But Sam wasn’t some pup.

He pulled back and sank down, pressing a kiss to Dean’s chest before going lower. He sucked Dean’s cock into his mouth, working it over a bit until Dean squirmed.

Then Sam went for the prize, pressing Dean’s thighs apart and tilting his ass up. Dean’s hole was pink and perfect, slick shiny, and Sam’s mouth watered. Without a thought, he leaned down to lick over it in a wet slurp.

“Jesus,” Dean hissed, sounding a bit breathless in a way Sam instantly loved.

He licked over Dean’s asshole again and the omega sucked in a deep breath. Grinning Sam pressed a wet kiss to the tiny tight hole and then pressed his tongue a bit, trying tot wiggle in.

Dean was squirming, muscles jerking as he muffled sounds.

“You been licked out before?” Sam asked curiously.

Dean nodded. “Anna liked it, it's different with the heat though, I feel more sensitive I think,” Dean explained and Sam answered with another wet lick.

Dean honest to God whined, long and low. He looked surprised to have made such a sweet sound.

Dean’s response only encouraged him, so Sam went to work licking over Dean’s hole, running his tongue in lazy circles and quick flicks. Dean was moaning good and loud before Sam was satisfied.

Pulling back he pressed a finger to Dean’s hole and the slick warmth grabbed greedily at him. Two fingers went in without trouble, Dean was soaked on the inside and his hole opened up around Sam’s fingers without strain. A third and fourth went as well.

Omega males were more accommodating with their slick but this was a unique readiness.

Heat ready.

“Come on,” Dean rushed, body swaying on Sam’s fingers, pushing back on them. He was open and wet, omega slick and heat loose.

It would still be a tight fit.

Sam lined himself up, Dean laid out before him, knees bend on either side of Sam’s body as he carefully rubbed the head of his cock over Dean’s asshole.

“Stop teasing,” Dean snapped, he linked his ankles over the back of Sam’s thighs and yanked him close.

Sam nearly face plowed into Dean, catching himself on his hand. The head of his cock pushed in, a moment’s resistance and then the heat welcomed him. Sam wanted to whimper.

Dean felt so good, so perfect.

His body temperature was higher than normal and Sam had heard people talk about the difference but he’d never thought it would feel this much more. Like a warm dripping embrace, it made him feel good inside and also so very ready to fuck.

He pushed in a bit more, easing himself into Dean until he bottomed out.

His knot threatened to swell right then and there so Sam pulled back a bit, rocking in tiny motions while Dean got used to the stretch.

“You ok?” Sam asked and Dean nodded his head. He had his eyes closed and his hands clutched at the bedding. Feeling a bit sappy, Sam took one of Dena’s hands and linked their fingers. Dean clung back and gave a shaky sigh before opening his eyes.

“Move Sammy,” he commanded and Sam nodded, pulling back and then sinking in. A slow pull and then a sudden shove.

“Just relax into it,” Sam muttered and Dean shot him a dirty look, as if Dean wouldn’t know that already.

Sam, for the most part, was trying not to knot like a teenaged alpha. But Dean’s body was gripping him, a wet hot sensation throbbing on Sam’s cock. It felt amazing and the fact that it was Dean’s body, Dean’s heat slicked hole gripping him, that got to Sam.

Sam eased back a touch and lurched forward, pushing as far as he could, he ground them into the bed, wanting to press them together as if he could somehow merge them. It was a stupid thought but Sam’s lust fogged brain couldn’t help it, he wanted Dean to a dangerous degree.

God help him.

“Come on,” Dean whispered, softly like he was calming someone and Sam realized he was shaking.

“Sorry,” he breathed, pulling back to look at Dean, he used on hand to brush Dean’s hair back and just touch him. Dean looked fond and indulgent, smirking up at Sam softly.

“S’ok, I get it,” Dean assured him and Sam grinned.

He started rocking himself, pulling back more and shoving forward, watching Dean’s face as he moved. They stared off for a bit and then Dean broke it, closing his eyes and swallowing as his hips rolled in a jerky motion.

Sam felt a rush of pride and tried to keep hitting that spot, his thrusting built quickly and Sam couldn’t help it.

Sitting up, he put more weight on his thighs and thrust harder, faster now with sure steady lunges. The gentleness faded as the lust of sex overcame them. Sam pumped into Dean, wet smacks each time their skin met as Sam grunted and fucked into his brother.

Dean’s face was flushed perfectly, he was shoving himself down the bed, meeting Sam’s motions just a hungrily. He looked good getting fucked, face twisted in pleasure as he took each slam Sam gave him. He clearly liked it rough.

“Sammy,” he called, voice high in a way he would deny later, Sam just shivered, thrusting with his weight behind it, holding Dean’s thighs so he didn’t slide up on the bed. He had to be careful, Dean was a lot smaller than him, Sam’s hand looked huge on Dean’ thighs. But he still fucked viciously. Sam couldn’t help it, he’d always been too rough in bed, gripping too tight and moving to hard. But Dean was so clearly into it and Sam thanked God for that. He held on to his brother and pounded his ass, sweat starting to run down his body as he took his own sibling. Sam’s brain twisted on it, thinking of Dean, his sweet but stern omega brother. But right now Dean was something else, crying out, thighs spread as he took every thrust of Sam’s hips. He looked sexual, exposed and open, and fucking amazing.

Sam could feel himself knotting, expanding to tie with Dean.

The bulge started to make Dean jerk each time Sam thrust, the feel of the knot pulling out and being forced back in was more notable with every motion.

The pleasure of knotting was unique, hard to explain. A strange build, sort of like an orgasm but more intense, heavier and all consuming. Sam hadn’t knotted too often in his life; only an omega close to starting heat or recently after would make an alpha knot. During the heat as well of course.

Sam was making his own embarrassing sounds now, mouth hanging open as he pushed into Dean, savoring the feel his knot sliding in. It was such a unique high to knot, a blood pulsing, stick, base, and gratifying indulgence.  

When he pulled back and shoved in and the knot refused to go and Sam knew it was time. To pull out and finish with his hand or to knot Dean.

“Come on,” Dean urged without Sam asking him, his long smooth legs pulled at Sam’s waist.

So Sam gripped Dean’s hips tight and pushed again, forcing himself harder. He loomed over Dean, bending the omega so his ass was op and offered and Sam could push his weight into the thrust. Bit by bit he added more pressure, his knot throbbing against Dean’s rim.

Right when he was about to stop in fear of hurting Dean, the knot slid in with a sudden give.

Both of them groaned out at the feeling.

Everything was hot and hazy, warm and good, Sam’s hindbrain was cooing in delight chanting knotting, seed, babies over and over. The pulse of the knot pushed away everything else, Sam couldn’t focus beyond how good it felt. How each shiver of Dean’s body worked it’s way through Sam’s as well. They were connected, linked in an amazing way. Sam was giving Dean everything he had, his seed filling the omega and even if they couldn’t have kids, this was more than enough for Sam.

Dean’s body would twitch from time to time, he’d stiffen and shiver, chew his lip, as if he was coming over and over and he couldn’t control it. Sam himself wasn’t much better, nuzzling at Dean’s hair and riding the high of heat sex, of sex with Dean.

Clean up was less glamorous, Sam went a got a warm wet washcloth to wipe Dean down and was sent back twice to rinse it before Dean was satisfied. Sam couldn’t help but feel an alpha satisfaction, some part of his brain whispering about a good breeding even though he knew he couldn’t impregnate Dean and that Dean couldn’t have children. That part of his brain didn’t seem to care about logic. It was just smug.

After changing the bedding out and putting fresh sheets down he crawled in with Dean, snuggling together. Sam felt downright giddy as he burrowed up to Dean, curling an arm around him. Dean let him drag him in close and rested his head on Sam’s chest.

“Here we are,” Sam breathed, more in awe than anything. Of all the scenarios he’d imagined in his dream for the future after finding Dean again, actually ending up with Dean had never been a true hope. So Sam felt like he was floating as he nestled in and dozed off.

 

Dean frowned at Castiel, wiggling his toes in the sand as he walked along the beach. In the distance, Sam was playing with the kids, chasing them as they laughed delightedly. It was dream Dean knew well by now and he wasn’t surprised to be here. Castiel liked talking through dreams.

“I’m still pissed at you,” Dean grumbled, glaring at the angel walking beside him.

“It was necessary. You submitted freely to giving up your ability to continue your blood line, but Sam needed to as well. Heaven would not have stopped trying to manipulate him. There is no one else now, you are the last two of your line.”

“Then why did you put the hiding spells on us in the first place?” Dean pressed, rubbing his chest. God help him if Sam or Dean ever got chest x-rays and found what Castiel had done.

“They hide you from angels, but even if you are found your line cannot continue and as long as you commit the act of incest, neither of you are fit to be a vessel for Michael.”

“And my dad? You promised you’d find him. Sam thinks he got drunk and a monster killed him.”

“In a manner of speaking, your father sold his soul to save Sam, a ploy of the demons to send him to hell. But he did not break under them, even now I know this. I’ve been gathering angels to help me, together we will take your father from hell and into heaven where he belongs with your mother.”

Dean kicked at the sand, watching Sam for a long moment.

“So your plan worked. You pulled me from time and shoved me here, I did what you wanted, saved Sam from himself and then sullied myself with the act of incest, I gave up hunting and settled into a quiet life so I wasn’t some righteous man. I did everything you asked.”

“Was the act of incest truly so hard?”

Dean spared the supposed angel a long hard look.

“How did you know?” He finally asked instead of answering the obvious question.

“You and your brother are soul mates, you’re meant to fit together in any and every way.”

“Huh.” Dean looked at the sand again, watching his toes dig while Sam’s laugh boomed through his dream. Lighting it up.

“So Apocalypse averted then?”

Castiel nodded.

“Your plan worked perfectly,” he assured Dean and the omega frowned, trying to picture some beat down version of himself, a gruff desperate man who sent an angel to change time in such a drastic way.

“If you say so. So long as me and Sammy are left alone, I’m good.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ta dah! Apocolypse averting time travel via incest! With the whole time travel thing, I always thought it was stupid that they didn't try more to stop things. Like going in time and explaining everything to Sam about the demon blood and Ruby being trouble. I know there were factors against it but also, effort people. 
> 
> Working on Destiel fics and a few Hannigram ones as well! 
> 
> Come talk at me on my tumblr! the-miss-lv.tumblr.com


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